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Very shy and insecure~ help

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Yosia, Feb 3, 2014.

  1. Yosia

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    I am a very shy person and it isnt very good, like i am the person who gets nervous when someone speaks to me, the person who is scared to ask for a drink at someones house and the person who cant speak in class... I really dont like being this shy and it makes me sadwhen people dont talk to me because i am hard to talk to~ i had a careers interview at school today and i just looked to the floor and nodded at everything, and im scared i will do the same at a college interview i have which will obviously affect my chances of them accepting me as my grades are bad enough >_<

    I am also very insecure about my body and HATE anyone touchingme, or seeing me if i am not fully clothed. I cant go swimming as i dont like people to see me and i feel nervous about what people think, i really like swimming though so i dont know what to do at times and it sads me :c ~

    Any advice on how i can be less shy and insecure?
     
  2. Cigsmoker

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    Hi Joshiee!

    I will introduce myself first so you will have an idea about me. I am Sam, a 30-year-old proud gay guy from Manila, Philippines. I used to be painfully shy and extremely awkward during from my teen years to my mid-20s. I always looked down whenever I walk outside and I used to stutter when I am at a social gathering and a stranger tried to make a conversation. Up to now, I still get insecure and I just try to overpower those negative thoughts everytime I feel that way. I can definitely relate to what you are going through right now.

    I know it can be pretty disheartening about what you think and feel about yourself is pretty normal, especially at your age. But trust me, with time, a little work and a lot of perseverance from your end, you will eventually overcome your issues.

    Try making small changes first so you won't get overwhelmed. Maybe you can try talking to your bestfriend [or someone that you completely trust]. Make it a loud and honest conversation about random stuff to practice your speech and to overcome your shyness. Then once you are comfortable doing that, try adding one more person. Then eventually, in a group.

    I had a friend who is gorgeous and wanted to try entering pageants but she was scared of the whole 'question & answer' part of the competition. She used to stutter out of nervousness and her mind goes blank whenever she gets asked a question she wasn't prepared for. What I did is I came up with pages and pages of questions/topics and we practice for weeks on end until she mastered answering questions without her nerves getting in the way. We also practiced smiling, posture, hand gestures and eye-contacts as well. You can also practice the same technique [its not actually a technique haha] with your family members or a friend whom you completely trust. Ask them to come up with a questionnaire and ask you those questions that might get asked to you in your interview. Just practice, practice, practice and I am sure in no time, you will do great. :slight_smile:

    Sorry. I know its not much but I really hope this helps a little.

    Cheering for you!
    Cigsmoker [Sam]
     
  3. Holdingb

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    Are you me from a parallel universe? I can relate quite a bit to what you have said! :grin: Time to help!
    Honestly, being shy is very natural and hard to overcome, but you seem very capable of doing so. Don't be sad when people don't talk to you, sometimes the best part of a friendship is just knowing that someone is there, words can make that relationship less meaningful in a way. As for the careers interview, you simply need to be confident in yourself! Who cares if you stumble on a sentence, take a step back and try again.
    The whole swimming thing I have been burdened with as well. I hate when even my mom touches me, or hugs me in anyway. Swimming is really fun, don't give it up because you are insecure. I never liked being shirtless in a pool or changing in locker rooms, so I where SPF shirts in a pool (made of a really nice material Good/10, would recommend) and since there are often stalls in a locker room, I just change in there and no one really questions me about it. People understand that other people are insecure sometimes and they're jerks if they think anything less for something as simple as that.
    Uhh advice on being less shy? Well that is simply human nature, and you can't change who you are (be proud of it! :grin:). Tips for speaking/ public speaking I can do. Show that you are paying attention, have an attentive posture (hands out of pockets on lap, knees at 90 degree angle, legs and back at 90 degree angle and look in their general direction, looking into someone's eyes constantly creeps the person out). Also be loud when you talk, if you mumble or stutter then they will think you are doubting yourself and your ability, and thus they do too. Finally, just be prepared and confident. If you believe you can do it, people will notice and they will believe in you too!
    There's a famous quote, “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” ~ Benjamin Mee
     
  4. Yosia

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    Thank you so much!! ~ i will try methods you both said (*^o^*)
     
  5. Ruby Dragon

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    You sound a lot like me. I'm shy when I have to talk to strangers, or to people I don't know very well. I run out of things to say and few people who know me, talk to me because I'm a better listener, and seldom talk. I don't know what the cause for this shyness is, but it's ruining my (non-existent) social life, and I hate being this shy and socially awkward. I also find it hard to ask for something to eat or drink at someone's house. Unless they specifically invited me to eat something (example, invite me to dinner), I would rather stay hungry than inconvenience them... If you find a cure for this shyness, please let me know! In the meantime, know that you're not alone (*hug*)