Hi this is my first post here and from browsing it seems I'm not alone and it makes me feel a little better but still feel so confused. I am in my 40s and have been married for 20 years and have a daughter preteen aged. I was raised that when you had sex with someone you waited til marriage and it was special and sacred. So I waited until marriage and honestly I felt like way the wait..I felt let down. Fast forward to my 30s I had a female friend with whom I developed feelings for..we got each other off a few times but that was it. I no longer talk to this friend. I really had feelings for her. I felt more for her than I had for my husabnd in years. My husbamd and I arent intimate and havent been for many many years. I find myself attracted to women. I get off watching female porn. I crave to be loved and feel loved. I feel lost and confused. I live in a small town where there are not resources to talk to..which is why I am here...any advice is appreciated...thanks for listening
I am in the same(ish) situation as you...I am only 30 but GAHHH what do we do.. Can I ask more about your story? when you started to realize? what happened with you and the friend?
Hey welcome to EC. You are definitely not alone and you will find that EC is a great place to get help and support.
Welcome my friend. EC is a beginning and a first step. It's a place to unwind, vent and seek support and guidance. There are many talented and caring people here who are available to lend support. Feel free to lean on all of us. From what I gather you appear to be quite isolated, alone and unhappy. You need time to figure out your path in life and would also benefit from talking about this with a trained professional face to face. Would your spouse object if you seek the services of a therapist or counselor? They may not exist in your small town, but may be available in a nearby city. You need not bring up the subject of sexual orientation. Rather, say you are down and could benefit from some professional help. I would suggest you do some real soul searching. It's a difficult situation. You have a young daughter and I don't know how financially able you are to leave what appears to be a loveless marriage. You have to first determine what you want out of life. Do you want to stay married to your husband forever? Do you want to stay married for a few more years for the sake of your child? Do you want to explore your sexuality secretly? Do you want to strike off on your own? These questions a professional could assist you in. I wish you well. Let us know how we can help.
Hi LezCee...thanks for writing I dont mind aharing at all in fact ive been looking a way to release some of the feelings I have. I first started realizing that Iwas beginning to have feelings towards females about the age of 32 I would say. I just played it off though thinking maybe its a phase because I was no longer interested in my husband at all. The friend that I had developed feelings for was quite older than myself..I was in it whole heartedly. I ended up severely heartbroken as the friend ended up using me and married a man she had been talking to behind my back. I was married so there wasn't anything I could do. It broke me very badly though and now its made me wonder if I will ever find and love someone again.
Thanks so much for writing Dionysios. My husband refuses to go to counseling for himself or our marriage. Our marriage is lifeless and beyond anyways at this point. I live a fairly isolated life to an extent. My husband bled me dry financially as inonce had means but dont now. I cannot stand my husband and am staying for my child's sake at the moment but am wanting to get out. I cannot live like this for the rest of my life but I am extremely close to my parents and they are completely against same sex relationships. I've been at my lowest where i had given up. I ended up in the hospital and realized I needed to be there for my child if nothing else but still wonder if I will ever feel true love again.
thank you so much...I am so glad I found this and see I am not the only one that has feelings and don't know where to turn
Thank for elaborating about your situation. It sounds positively dreadful. Is it possible for your parents or another relative or friend to take you and your child in for a time (no need to bring up the subject of same sex relationship)? That might give you time to find employment to restart your life. If you are to restart your life, you need to focus on acquiring the financial means to be independent. You still need to talk to someone. If you can't find a therapist in your area, perhaps consider speaking to a minister at a LGBTQ friendly church. Not all ministers are the "fire and brimstone" type. As a soon to ex-clergyman (I am giving up the collar), I have heard many confessions but many people came to me not to confess sins, but just to talk about problems in their life. I've heard pretty much everything except cannibalism. *smile* I always tried to make sure that people left feeling better than when they arrived. Finding someone to listen sympathetically and not judge will be a great help in your life. Of course feel free to turn to the people here. You need not go through this journey by yourself. *smile*
Actually my parents and myself live on the same piece of property. My husband will not leave. The property we are on has always been my familys. I dont know why he stays. I have been honest with him and told him the love isnt there.
Really? Your parents own the property? As a former legal clerk, your hubby doesn't have much say in the matter. Your folks would be well within their rights to evict him. Have you spoken to your parents about giving your husband his marching orders? The marriage sounds pretty dead right now. Unless your husband has a fantastic and charming personality, why do your parents tolerate him. They surely must know how unhappy you are. Why do they allow him to stay ?
Its a long story unfortunately...my husband now owns the property due to a home equity loan so technically we have no rights but we do have legal document he signed that relinquishes his rights to the property. My parents and I are trying to find a way leave all togethet
Ohhhh. So sorry to hear that! Just hope you and your folks can devise a way to get away. It sounds like an uncomfortable and stressful environment for you, your child and parents.
okay so for a while I have been considering this could just be a phase...or it is deeper curiosity (I have had PG hookups with women in the past), but this time questioning myself is different, almost like there is truth to it and I know there is but I am so scared of admitting it because of what it could mean for my current life. The sparks between my husband and I are gone and it is getting to that sickening point that others have talked about. I just feel sick at times when I am around him and intimacy comes out. We are best friends as much as we can be and I still love that part of him but other than our friendship and blended family I want out. Could I ask how things unfolded with this other women? did you know she was gay/bi/questioning? I often find that I won't open myself up to women for friendships now because I am worried that I could fall for a hetero friend and I am not the type to cheat so I just stay to myself and kiddos. I am also worried about loving someone again...a women. At this current time I do not think I could ever be with or love another man. I try to check them out on the streets and NOTHING!! Sorry if I am bombarding you with questions, but I have so many questions of my own and your touches me in a way that is wildly helpful in my understanding so thanks!
I am glad to have found a place to talk about how I am feeling but it is a lot and it is overwhelming and as much as I try to wish it away it doesn't leave. The friend or other woman actually came to me saying she had a dream about us getting together. She knew that my feelings for husband had vanished as I talked to her about it. I was surprised and kind of blew her off at first. She went on a mini vacation with me and she made the first move. I was shocked and unsure. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of self confidence anyways. After that night we got together a few times..we never had full blown sex but did get each other off and it was satisfying. I grew to love her very much and I was heart broken and devastated when things ended the way they did. I never felt with my husband what I feelt with her. Now I am questioning if on will ever love like that again. I cannot stand my husband but have some circumstances where I can't just leave. Also I wonder how my child will react. In have decided however to let her find her own path when it comes to love with no judgement I have never had tons of female friends. Now I am afraid of meeting anyone.
