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Venting About Denying Myself

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hypernova, Sep 27, 2020.

  1. Hypernova

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    Oh, it's me again.

    So it's been a few days since I really decided like, lesbian is a word that I am comfortable with calling myself, and kinda makes sense?

    But I keep trying to tell myself that because I'm genderfae, (genderfluid that is never masculine) I shouldn't call myself a lesbian.
    While I know it's probably fine, it still just worries me.

    But that's not the point.
    What I keep telling myself is that I need to focus on more important things, and that I can't know anything for sure.
    I keep telling myself, "I'm only 14, I don't need to know what I can be attracted to".
    But I do know.
    I also end up telling myself, "I can't be sure because I've never liked anyone".
    But I AM sure.
    Right now, I am, at least.
    I just know.
    I don't know how, I just do.
    And I think that's probably a normal thing.

    I keep going back and forth between "I know that this is me" and "I can't be sure, I still don't know".

    Okay, yeah, I'm sus, I just vented.
    Ha ha...
    (Wow I'm so bad XD)

    Anyways, I just wanted to vent...
     
  2. Hypernova

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    Note: I actually just realized that I might be a trans girl XD
     
  3. QuietPeace

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    I think I understand what you mean. The perception of "Lesbian" as a 100% Homosexual Binary Female, and if you are not Binary Female, though you now say that you might be (though at 14 can you be 100% sure of anything? I am almost 60 and still not really 100% sure).

    There is one designation that might help, especially if you stick with the Genderfae. How about just saying that you are Gynephilic? https://lgbt.wikia.org/wiki/Androphilia_and_gynephilia

    Though for people who don't know what it means that would mean yet another explanation.
     
  4. Hypernova

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    I suppose that kinda works, but it does feel kinda weird, and I think anything that ends with "-philic" seem to give a lot of people bad vibes, which makes sense because of a few things, but it literally just means love...

    I just looked up trixic because I realized it might be an okay alternative, but again, it just feels weird to call myself trixic. Not that it is weird, because I know it's not, it just doesn't feel right.
    I also heard that it might have a transphobic history.

    Maybe it's easier if I just don't call myself anything, specifically.
    Most words I've heard of just feel weird or uncomfortable if I try to use it to refer to myself, (And believe me, there's a lot of others that I haven't mentioned.) and I'm worried that calling myself the only thing that does feel okay will offend people.

    I know this is all kind of silly.
    Why do I feel weird when I try to call myself gynephilic or trixic?
    I don't know, should I just do it anyways?
    It would be easier that way.

    This would be a lot easier if I figure out a word for my gender identity first.
    I think demigirl (Wow again?) is the closest thing I know.
     
  5. QuietPeace

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    Well just keep trying, something will click.

    And as far as offending people, some people work really hard at being offended. There are people who are offended that you and I are allowed to live or exist as ourselves, I don't care about them. So long as you are simply trying to describe who you are I don't see a problem, it is not as if you are calling anyone else names or forcing them to identify as anything.
     
  6. Hypernova

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    That is true.
    Thank you. :slight_smile:
     
  7. MaoKingofcats

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    id like to also suggest theres also vensuamoric/venusic which is nonbinary people attracted to women and fem aligned nonbinary folks.

    you can use sapphic which can be used by fem aligned nonbinary folks along with women of course that means attraction to women whether exclusively or not :3c you're valid on whatever label you decide on!
     
    #7 MaoKingofcats, Oct 3, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2020
  8. Hypernova

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    (Wait I didn't think there would be other replies to this thread.)

    I have never heard of that term, and it might work.
    I've been trying to learn as much as I can and realized that for now, the best word to describe me is demigirl.
    But I also have considered the possibility that I am a binary trans girl. I think I'm scared of the possibility though, because just can't... 'pass', I guess, in any sense of the phrase.

    For the last few days I've just gone with lesbian, trixic, or gay.