Just got a reality check. I better be gay otherwise I've totally trashed my life and 2 others in stupidity. Stomach is in my throat. Have a few weeks to figure it all out. When I came out to husband I was not thinking of future or his feelings. Can't go back. Can't see forward.
Tried to edit opening post but not an option. I just have this terrified feeling. Except for EC & soon to be ex I don't have a support system. Everyone says they support me but are giving me space. No offers to stay with family or friends. I wont be on the street but I will be alone. Stress & pain of that seems greater now than the stress of wanting to come out. Don't want to end up a lonely bitter old lady.Giving up someone who took care of me when I had long term health issues. someone who knows all my issues and loves me anyway.The right choice to come out? I am thinking no.
Deep breath. You can now only move fwd. Baby steps, you had the courage to come out. That took alot of strength in itself therefor you are strong enough to weather this storm. The dust will settle, believe instead of doubt yourself. There was no way of doing this w/o making a mess but it can get picked up and so can you. Stop looking back, who was she then anyway? You are doing this, hugs.
Hi, Check with siblings they may be helpful if the understand your level of need. There are shelters for woman if it comes to that. Are you really thinking the lie is better than the truth? For me the lie became an expression of total selfishness. I took my wife's love and time and cheated her in what she got back from me. It was like being an emotional gold-digger.
Your right Skiff. It all became too real with talk of mediators & divorce stuff. Financially ok Siblings are all in another state. Its not about having a place to live; its living alone for 1st time in 15 years.
You got kids... You might find living alone a blessing! After 20 years of picking up after kids and wife being alone can be GREAT!!!! I visited my brother for the past week. Only three adults and I only had to look after me. God! What a blessing!!! Keeping connected to my young adult kids will be the issue, but this is 2013; phone, cell, text, Skype, email. I will figure it out. I am sure that my 18 year old will land back in my lap as he wants to move to where I will be. That will be neat and challenging as we are so much alike.
Hi Rose. I'm sorry you're in such pain, but I think you said it with: "Can't go back. Can't see forward." You can't *see* forward...but you will go forward...it's in the nature of the universe; you cannot stop the progression of time. So you can treat it as terrifying, or you can treat it as an adventure. I'd recommend #2. But you wouldn't have come out to your spouse if that wasn't the right thing to do. I get having doubts...but stop second-guessing and start second-living. Finally, gay, bi, or straight-but-confused, you have not trashed any lives. You only trash your life when you give up...or perhaps when you choose to live as something you're not, or live in a way that makes you miserable. The only way to trash the life of another is to kill them...and that's illegal. You have *changed* the lives of some people. That's not a bad thing. It creates opportunities for them to reach new heights of happiness. Do you honestly think the happiest your husband is capable of being is when he's with you, when you're miserable, unsatisfied, pretending to be something you're not, and yearning for something you're denying yourself? Give him more credit than that! And give yourself a break. But in the very real near-term, you are miserable because life is uncertain...you cannot *see* the future as you once could (first, as happily with him, then as unhappily with him). But the future is out there waiting for you. The best way forward is to visualize what you want the future to look like, and then start walking toward it!
You are going through a lot os changes, and is scary no doubt. Sometimes it gets real scary, and all we can do is hold on, close our eyes, and scream. You don't mention what area are you, but it might good to get out and do stuff with some LGBT groups. Or if not an LGBT a group with something you are interested in. Some times, we just a distraction and forget about everything else for a while. (*hug*)
