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Update two more people down

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Dylan1357, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. Dylan1357

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    I was in my photography lesson, me and two of my friends are talking and playfully insulting each other as ye do, so I call her a slag and she went pretty sure you're a bigger slag than me I said "yeah course I am I've got lads all over me all the time" dead silence after. Then they go are you gay and I'm like yes and they were like didn't expect that.

    So far that's three of my friends I've told I'm gay and they were all fine about it seems I'm lucky, the person I really want to tell is my best friend because he's a guy and so far I've only told girls. But I think it's scarier to tell guys because we as guys as more unpredictable, don't you think? 95% certain he will be fine about it but there's still that 5%.
     
    FluffyLightFox likes this.
  2. Quantumreality

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    Congratulations again, Dylan!:thumbsup:That's really great that you are now Out to three accepting friends!:slight_smile:

    Over the years, I've found that we (LGBTQ people) tend to hang out and make friends with LGBTQ-accepting people. After all, if peers make homophobic comments or indicate a non-acceptance of homosexuality in any way, we are usually extremely sensitive to it and then we have little reason to continue to hang out or become friends with them.

    I understand what you mean about your best friend, but if he knows you well, the simple fact that you're Gay shouldn't really be a problem for him, should it? Do you have any idea about his views toward LGBTQ people or issues? (In other words, has he ever made comments to you before about LGBTQ people or issues?) The slight possibility of losing your best friend is always extremely distressing, but, honestly, when it comes down to it, would you really still want to even be friends with him if it turns out that he won't accept you simply because you happen to be Gay?
     
  3. Dylan1357

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    I have no idea how he feels about the LGBTQ community but if he has a problem I'll remove him from my life. Honestly this is part of my who I am I have no problem with dropping anyone because I'm not afraid of losing friends or family anymore. (There's a reason for this and I'm not getting into it sorry)
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey Dylan,

    I'm not asking you to share any information that you aren't comfortable sharing on this public website. No problem there at all.

    It sounds like you seem very clear that if, for some reason, your best friend were to react negatively to your Coming Out, that you are prepared to (eventually) get over the fact that he isn't someone you may have in your life anymore. That is extremely practical, although we both know that, emotionally, it is a FAR more difficult prospect. As you said, you just have to be who you are. I totally understand that. It's not to say that you can't still sometimes be compromising in your actions/attitudes. For example, if he is accepting and definitely still wants to be your best friend, but is still uncomfortable hearing about your specific attractions to other guys, are you going to put it in his face? Most of my friends are straight guys. Since I've Come Out, some are completely fine with talking to me about same-sex attractions. It makes others somewhat uncomfortable. That doesn't change their acceptance of ME, it is simply something that I am sensitive, when talking to them. However, if I were to be totally falling head over heels for a guy, I would not feel at all inhibited in expressing my feelings for that guy to ANY of my straight friends. I guess that what I'm saying is that I love my straight friends (platonically) and I'm sensitive to not 'overdoing' things by talking too often or in too much detail about same-sex attractions that might make them uncomfortable. At the same time, I try to slowly push the boundaries and I've discovered that most of them become much more comfortable listening to my expressions of same-sex attractions over time. In fact, one way that I've come to gauge their comfort level is that I feel fine no longer censoring myself at all when they stop just 'listening' and start to actually engage me by asking questions or making comments about my same-sex attractions.

    So, given that all of that was a sidebar, how do you feel right now about telling your best friend that you're Gay? (It's still completely normal to be totally nervous about it to the point where you might not even be sure if you can form the words if you tell him in person. Personally, I strongly recommend that you do him - and yourself - the courtesy of telling him directly (not through text, email, social media, etc). He SHOULD (hopefully) recognize both the importance of what you are telling him and much respect/trust you have with/for him by Coming Out directly.

    From what you said, it seems like you are extremely close to just going for it and Coming Out to him. But, if you still have any real reservations and don't feel comfortable Coming Out to him, you could try asking him, as I indicated previously, about his attitudes towards specific LGBTQ people or issues, especially ones that might currently be in the news or subjects in your school classrooms. (Incidentally, have you ever heard him use a homophobic slur in your presence? That would be a very real indicator for you.)
     
  5. Dylan1357

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    You wrote that perfectly by the way, and you are right but my friendship is weird we never talk about who we like even though we are best friends that's just not us and I wouldn't want to put too much on him at once obviously. I'd only "disown" him if he did something like tell everyone without my permission or say something extremely hurtful and homophobic but I'd understand if he weren't alright with it at first. I hope you get what I mean because I not trying to be dickhead but doing stuff like I just wrote are just screaming this is a toxic relationship if someone exploits someone in a time of weakness.

    Also I've never heard him say anything homophobic and today we were talking about the show Prison break and his favourite character is T-Bag he's a gay character so that might be a good sign. Prison Break is so good.