so i'm 29 and i've known(?) for a few years that i'm bi. at least i think i am, i've never really dated a girl though i'd like to. not exactly a social butterfly, i havent dated anyone at all in years. i'm only out to my two best friends and my sister, and the results have been... mixed. my one friend is totally supportive and i love her to death, she's never treated me differently and she always makes me feel loved. i mostly talk to her when i want to talk about queer things or sex or personal things like that. my other friend is mostly supportive? we actually sort of tried dating but she decided it wasnt for her after the first kiss. which is fine, i love her anyway and we're cool being friends. but she also says she would be jealous if i dated a girl. i'm not sure why that's different, but she says it would bother her more. she actually went to Pride with me last year. but i dont always feel comfortable talking to her about things or saying i find certain actresses hot etc, because i always feel like it makes her unhappy or uncomfortable. i sort of went through the process of figuring things out with both of them, so it wasnt like i had to really come out to either one. but last year i decided to tell my sister, who moved away and was back for a holiday visit. she's very liberal and the total opposite of our parents and brother, who are christian and of the 'gay is a sin' mindset. i spent way too long working up to saying it, finally told her that i'm bi... and she said something like 'yeah me too but you know labels are for other people, not for us' and then changed the subject. i didnt know how to respond to that, and i still dont know how to take it. it made me super uncomfortable and self conscious, and piled more dirt on the relationship with her that i'd already essentially buried. i guess my question is: is it worth coming out as bi? i'd have to eventually if i got a girlfriend or nonbinary partner, but until then... should i even bother? i probably wont soon but i'd like to eventually, if nothing else then to benefit my own mental health. i am a writhing ball of anxiety and depression and sometimes i feel like not being able to say anything about it is adding to the general stress. i could be wrong, maybe having my family know will be worse. i doubt they'll be all that supportive, though my mother at least is semi-okay with gay people. she also thinks it's a choice, which i cant exactly deny in my own case. i COULD choose to ignore my feelings for girls and probably be happy enough only dating men. okay this has gone on a while, sorry for the rambling.
Well, I love reading about your absolutely supportive friend. She sounds rad! Your other friend who you kissed sounds like she going to set you up for drama with mentioning she'd get jealous. I hope you feel okay to date or kiss girls when she is around. If not, at the very least, I wouldn't have her tag along. That sounds a bit destructive, and she sounds controlling (if she doesn't give you the peace to be with other women). Your sister sounds like she was trying to show you that the label is not important and being bi is so accepted by her that it's not even worth talking about. However, I can see why you saw it as being dismissive. Maybe mention to her you would like advice or you would like to talk to her further, if you'd like her input. Is it worth coming out? Only if you think it is. Generally, people feel more free and more themselves when they come out. If you value your freedom and honesty, then absolutely. If you are apathetic of other's opinions about you, then it's not as big of deal. I think hiding a part of yourself would make you feel less worthy. I think deep down you know that's something you wouldn't want to do. In short, surround yourself with people who lift you up and make your own choice based on how much it matters to you. If you think in the long run, you'll feel like truest and happiest self being with men and women and being open with the world, then I say blast Diana Ross and yell, "I'm coming out!"
We've pretty much established that i'm going to do it anyway and if it upsets her she doesnt have to hang out with my partner. i dont know if it will end in drama or go up in flames, but she isnt actively telling me not to date girls, so it is what it is i guess. i feel like its something that i cant share a lot because either nobody would care, or people would care in a negative way. i also feel like im too old to be so scared of what people think. which is silly? but its there.
I mean I know people who've come out at all ages. My gf is 27 and hasn't come out yet either. It's all on your own time. It's okay if you feel like it's silly but I'm not judging you And yeah, that's the thing about coming out. It's generally not glorified, and we can't control how others handle the information. I guess you have to really think if it's worth telling a particular person knowing they may not react positively. That's up to you <3
Yeah I’m not out to my family expect my mom and little sister. I’ve told other people but I just don’t know how to tell my dad or my other relatives. And I’m 22.
