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Unsure on if I should come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by suncat, Feb 2, 2020.

  1. suncat

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    I really want to come out but I'm terrified. My parents are fairly religious and both a bit homophobic. My dad is open about his disgust and even referred to homosexuals as demons during a shouting match with my older sister during a family dinner. My mom is much more accepting and has some lesbian friends but refered to homosexuality as an oppression. Both my older sisters know,(and are very supportive) as well as my close friends. As i said, i really want to come out so I can atleast have a chance to have highschool relationship and get this burden and guilt off of my shoulders but with the situation, I don't really know what to do. Please help if you can
     
  2. quebec

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    suncat.....Hello and a very big welcome to Empty Closets!
    Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematical. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be.

    Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out.

    I do have quite a bit of information on dealing with the "Religion Issue". If you want me too, I will post it for you...just let me know either here or on my profile page.

    Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    johndeere3020 likes this.
  3. johndeere3020

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    Suncat--After I first realized I was different I wanted over 30 years before becoming myself, not mentally healthy, however Quebec is totally correct with his statement. I understand that you really want to be your true self but don't put yourself at risk!

    Religion and LGBTQ can mesh but sometimes it takes time for people to understand and open their minds.

    It sounds like you have two allies in your sisters, which is great and you have found another very supportive place here on EC!

    Dean
     
  4. suncat

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    Thank you for responding ❤️. I'm not sure exactly when or how I'll come out, but it's nice to be able to talk to people who understand. Thank you again~
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there, welcome to EC! Given what you have mentioned in your introductory post, I would suggest to give it a bit more time before coming out to your parents - as hard as it can be. Your sisters and friends are a great source of support and acceptance; it would be worthwhile to continue building your support network and perhaps once you have gained some financial independence, try to come out to your parents then.

    I think it is worthwhile to listen to your hesitations at this point, and only come out to your parents once you feel that the fall out will be 'minimal' or they are ready to listen and at least try to understand from where you are coming from.