Hey everyone! I joined this forum a few months ago whilst in the middle of a crisis. I had intended to post asking for advice on my then-situation, but got nervous midway through it. But here I am, looking for help again and hopefully I will be able to work up the courage to hit "submit" once I've finished typing. This is long so there will be a brief recap at the end- No pressure to read each and every detail. I have liked girls ever since I can remember. In this aspect, I am completely comfortable. I know that I am attracted to women sexually as well as romantically. And, when I imagine a future, married with kids and whatnot, I can only picture being partnered with another woman. (In that, this is where I would imagine myself being truly happy- When I try to force a guy into the picture, I feel really uncomfortable, like okay- Maybe it would work but I would never feel right about it, never truly content.) Based on the above, I came to terms with the fact that I was a lesbian at around 14. I knew then, just as I know now, that I would only find true happiness with another woman. And I came out to my parents as such at 15. They were adequately accepting but it's more or less something we do not discuss in honest language here- But whatever, that isn't really the point. I had come out as a lesbian, that was the label that felt right to me. Throughout high school I started experimenting more with guys. This included 1 relationship and a lot of casually hooking up. I got a kind of "thrill" from the casual encounters but never enjoyed the acts itself and in fact generally felt rather uncomfortable in the situations. However, with the 1 guy I dated, I did have some romantic feelings for him- But I was always fuzzy on whether or not it was mainly platonic or not. There was definitely a "crush" but it was akin to how I would imagine straight girls crushing on girls; the reserve of a girl crush, being best friends with a sense of deep attachment. We dated on and off for years and I would force him into that married with kids fantasy and just feel this sense of impending doom, kind of a sinking in my gut. (More on my relationships with guys in a minute though.) Also it's important to note that I feel genuine disgust when doing anything inherently physical that is also inherently romantic. Eg, a guy pulling me close to him in a movie and rubbing my arm lovingly. It just grosses me out and makes me feel immediately ugly to myself. I actually get panicky, "this isn't right, this isn't right, this isn't right." I've had more serious relationships with girls/women however, and have only felt "in love" with them. Like I said, though, I've never doubted my ability to be romantically attached to them. When I'm with another woman it just feels. . . Right. I love everything about them and regularly get crushes on them. Sexually, I absolutely experience a more authentic kind of attraction to them than I do with men. In this, I look at a woman and experience attraction, while I look at a man (conventionally goodlooking or otherwise) and feel nothing. Sexual experiences with women have been better as well, feeling more "right." This includes amorous/romantic activities as well, like cuddling- With guys it freaks me out, but with girls it's amazing. I fantasize about both men and women, however. This is part 1 of why I'm confused on this respect. I do think of men in a sexual way, though they are more of a vessel in my fantasies than an actual person, while my fantasies about women are more elaborate and intellectually charged. I have told men (2) that I've loved them before. The guy I dated from high school, and one who I dated after for almost a year and a half. This is part 2 of why I'm confused. I dated them for significant periods of time, I said that I loved them, and truly did/do feel the time I spent with them was significant. However, throughout both of them I was open to the fact that I didn't know if I loved them in a platonic way or a romantic one. I was quite attached to both of them in different ways (note that one of the relationships was very unhealthy, and I think this plays a role in my "attachment"- They threatened to kill themselves if I left, and effectively destroyed many of my friendships; if I left them, my reasoning was that I would have nobody, and was more to do with this than the fact that I was in love with them.) I do think I loved them in a way that you can love your friends and perhaps even in a way similar to "squishes" but the romantic aspects were minuscule on my part. At times I did wonder if I was falling in love, but these moments were fleeting and replaced with more platonic enjoyment. Finally, number 3 of my confusion. Although I recognize that a, I do not really enjoy sexual encounters with men and b, have more platonic interest in them than anything else and c, only want to marry a woman, I am self aware enough to understand that I probably will casually date them again at some point. I cannot really explain why I would do this apart from maybe viewing it as a fun way to spend my time when nothing else serious is going on. However, I would not enter a serious relationship with them at this point, as I know that I will not see a future in it. I have been effectively identifying as bisexual for awhile now, mostly due to the fact that I'm immediately read by friends as this due to my behavior, but I am wondering if there is any other more accurate description of how to label myself? TL;DR I do not enjoy being sexual with men and I do not picture myself having a long term relationship with them. With women, I'm definitely 100% into it on both fronts. I fantasize regularly about guys though and would probably be open to having casual relationships with them, without the expectation of it turning into something serious. I only imagine myself marrying a woman. With all this in mind, what is the most accurate way to label myself? I realize that labels aren't everything but I feel like it would give me some sense of comfort and would also help me navigate through the LGBTQ+ community better in some respects. It would help me find my "niche."