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Unsure about therapist

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by LostInDaydreams, May 19, 2020.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    For anyone who’s experienced therapy, it would be helpful to get some perspective on this...

    I have recently returned to therapy and this is my third round of therapy with the same therapist. In the last round she (successfully) supported me through leaving my ex, who was emotionally abusive.

    Towards the end of the last round my therapist would regularly change the time of the session a day or two before. I was in a position to be flexible, so practically it wasn’t an issue. It slightly bothered me because during the first round of therapy she gave me a pretty hard time about not being able to make the times we had agreed. I accepted this and paid for the one session we were unable to rearrange. I was tied by work and not wanting my ex to know I was in therapy, so I couldn’t always make it happen and she was aware of this. This was one of the main reasons why I ended that round of therapy and I only went back when I knew I could commit to a regular session. I did not want to be in a position where I had to keep asking her to rearrange.

    The day before my most recent session she asked if we could make it half an hour after the originally agreed time, which I said was fine. Then about an hour later, she asked to make it half an hour before the original time. If it was a one-off I’d think nothing of it, but it multiple times feels slightly unprofessional.

    In the session itself, she appeared to be looking at something else on her screen. It might just be the way it looks to me (depending on where her camera was), but I heard keyboard tapping and she seemed to be looking to the left/right and not entirely focused. Also, at the start of the session I told her what my daughter was doing whilst I was in the session, but about 30 minutes in she asked me what my daughter was doing and I had to repeat myself. I don’t expect her to remember everything (and sometimes I’m surprised by what she does remember), but to forget within 30 minutes?

    It’s small things and I don’t know whether I should start looking for a new therapist.
     
  2. Ram90

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    Maybe you can mention this to your therapist? It could be that she might be taking advantage of your flexibility and changing the schedule for other patients who might not be as flexible? Accommodating them at your expense? That said, it is unprofessional if she's typing away, doing other things, multi-tasking while listening to you. But is it possible she's taking notes during therapy? That could be the typing. But I'd still encourage you to tell her this openly and ask her. That way you can decide if you want to continue with her or find someone else. Ultimately you need to be comfortable with her and not the other way around always. If you continue to feel uncomfortable, it doesn't make sense, especially when you're spending money and valuable time on therapy. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Unsure77

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    For what it’s worth, my therapist has had to move my appointments around more than normal recently because of Covid. She has some clients who do telehealth and some who go to her office and it took her awhile to figure out how to juggle that. (Which makes sense because equipment is required for one and not the other). I haven’t minded because I’m at home anyway. But, at any rate, it could be something to that effect.
     
  4. Chip

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    I hear from a lot of therapists that they are struggling with switching to telehealth, and find it more difficult to stay engaged with clients. That doesn't make it right, but it does say that your experience may not be unique.

    I'd bring it up. If you don't, it's going to linger as a resentment and will get in the way of therapy. If she's a well trained therapist, she'll appreciate the input and will respond honestly. And if you don't feel like it's connecting, nothing wrong with either putting off therapy or finding a new therapist. There's actually often an advantage to seeing multiple therapists because you'll get different perspectives and approaches that help you process what's going on in different ways.
     
  5. musicteach

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    Have you tried asking them? Being direct with them regarding?

    I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I tend to be very direct and to the point. I don’t really beat around the bush, especially if something is bothering me. If I have issues with someone I press out with them and ask.
     
  6. bingostring

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    The therapist should leave you in no doubt that she is giving you 110% of her attention.
    You should raise it with her. Tell her exactly what you have said above - as this is something that is clearly distracting you and she is definitely not acting professionally.