I'm 21, and I've been going back and forth about my identity since I was 15, and I don't really know what to do. I used to identify as bisexual, but then entered into an abusive relationship with a man my freshman year of college that really messed me up. I then started identifying as a lesbian, thinking that the reason I felt so awful and uncomfortable was because I was with a man. But now, two years later, I've found myself developing feelings for a good friend of mine who is a man, and it's throwing me for a loop. I thought it would eventually go away, but it's been four months and if anything, they've gotten stronger. And now I don't know what to do. I don't deny my attraction to women, that's pretty solid. But I worry about trusting my emotions when it comes to men, due to being abused before. I feel embarrassed saying I'm bisexual again after coming out as a lesbian so publicly, and I don't really know how to explain that to the guy I'm interested in either. I just feel like a fraud, or that I'm "not queer enough." Does anyone have any advice on how to sort out my feelings, and how to not feel embarrassed about changing what label I use so many times?
Exactly what raven said. Don'the put a label on yourself. You are Otter your feeling are subject to change at any given time. I date men ,women , Trans and crossdressers. You never know who you will meet.
i am sure people will understand and really those that don't probably aren't close to you. I can understand your fear towards the situation but love is love and feelings are feelings. Being abused is awful, I am sorry you went through that. The best thing you can be with your friend is honest as you were with us.
As they said Love knows no gender. Theres nothing wrong who you love and dont be ashamed of what others might perceived you socially thats their judgmental prick minds who never mind their own business. Finding love is like finding your inner connection with someone,make sure you find him or her whoever makes you feel YOU and beautiful.
So wait... if the guy is a good friend, I'm assuming that he knows you're a lesbian and not that you're bisexual? BUT if he's a good friend, then he also knows that you used to date a guy. So, if he feels anything romantic for you, I'm sure he's considered that you've been with a man before so you could potentially be with a man again. (Kinda sad but humans like to have hope regardless of what you label yourself). Anyway, the harder part about this seems to be telling him that you like him and not just that you like guys again. Because hey, you might not, you might only like him. As for other people, I don't think anyone will be upset over the news other than maybe lesbian friends that you have. But honestly that just comes from them losing a little bit of connection to you if you're not 100% like them anymore. I think that's normal. Give them time to grieve your 5% loss of lesbianism and tell them you hope they'll still support you. You're not a fraud and you're not betraying anything. Each experience gets you closer to who you truly are.
