I have noticed that what attracts me to a guy is something he makes me feel, not his physique. Ok a good physique is nice but I get turned on by something about him. Maybe something in his personality. Most of the time I haven't even looked beyond the face of the person. Months later when I am still attracted to the guy I cannot remember how his body is but just him and how he makes me feel. that is all that is needed to make me dream of sleeping with him or wanting him. Is it strange? I do look at a fab body and all that and can appreciate that but the guys I have been attracted to are more than just physique. It is not that they are very intelligent or anything either (I don't know them that well). I don't have a particular physical type I get attracted to either. I just can't relate when someone says 'he is not my type' without seeing the person or getting to know him. How is that possible?
This sounds like a really good approach towards attraction! Physical appearance can stimulate lust, but chemistry and personality can stimulate affection. Like you, I am attracted to guys based on personality moreso than physical appearance. Guys that are warm, personable, sensitive, considerate and endearing are the ones that catch my fancy - and I usually can get a quick read simply by looking into someones eyes and seeing how they smile.
Pole star, will you marry me??? In my neighborhood you don't get a second look unless you're hot and 20 something. I'm earnest and 40 something. *lol* I know what you mean. I have had serious crushes on guys that weren't supermodels but nonetheless piqued my curiosity or resonated with me in a certain way. I can totally relate and yes, I think it's normal and healthy. Patrick
I think it's a very healthy and mature approach actually. Looks are not completely irrelevant, but they fade for all of us eventually, so we're far better focusing on those personal qualities and characteristics. An 'ordinary' looking guy with a great personality and kindly nature can be the most beautiful and gorgeous person in the world.
I go for depth & warmth. Often vglk men - as well as very beautiful women - are stuck up & emotionally distant, I think, because they get so much attention, that they never develop any empathy which is key to rapport. As to "desperately looking for someone" … I've been there myself, it's a barbed wire - the "desperately" part. Thank u for your honesty & transparency. The desperate part will make u less successful, & turn people off. What to do? Look within to find the desperate part, the needy little boy who didn't get the love he longed for, or whatever it was … & have your "inner parent" heal that. Sitting at home alone won't bring u what u want. I think it's best to hold our desires softly, to be out & playing the game, open to the magic of what reality presents.
In order to get to a place where I had a better handle on my type, I needed to hookup with and date a few guys until I figured out what I liked and disliked. For me it's a mix of a guy's looks, personality, and sexual chemistry. By looks I mean both his physical appearance as well as how he presents himself. Is he straight acting or campy? For example, I seem to have a preference for smart Asian guys. Personality also involves a lot of intangibles - do our quirks complement each other or repel us? Does his smell turn me on? Does he love to cuddle before and after hot sex I've found that I need somebody who is a match in all 3 areas of looks, personality, and sexual chemistry, for things to click when dating a guy, so try and avoid settling for somebody if one or more of the 3 is missing, especially if you are desperately looking for someone. The rules are different if you are still in the experimentation phase, though I will add that hookups are better if you focus on your type. Having said that, you also need to be open minded enough so that you don't rigidly focus on your type. One's type evolves over time as you mature sexually and refine your requirements in a partner. If you exclude someone just because they are missing a checkbox or two on your checklist, you might overlook a great match.
