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Uncomfortable Advice

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Nic2552, Aug 4, 2020.

  1. Nic2552

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    This is so uncomfortable to even talk about, but I need you all advice or at least give your thoughts. Maybe I’m over thinking. But if I am tell me. My girlfriend’s sister keeps grabbing ..even smacking my butt. It only happens when we go out and she drinks a lot but it’s constant. We would go out with a group. I thought I was going crazy but it’s starting to happen every time we go out drinking. I told my sister and girlfriend and they think I’m over thinking because she’s not gay and have kids. They also claim since I’m gay I think everyone is gay. Is that normal? Do people do that? Whats everyone thoughts?
     
    #1 Nic2552, Aug 4, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2020
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Regardless of whatever her sexuality is, if you’re uncomfortable with it then you should be able to ask her to stop and she should understand and listen. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either. Does she do it to anyone else?

    Could you try talking to your girlfriend about without her sister there? Explain that you like going out as a group, but this it makes you uncomfortable and you want it to stop happening. Perhaps she could then speak to her sister? Do you think the sister would listen to your girlfriend?

    I had a similar thing with a dad of one of my daughter’s school friends. It’s hard to address when everyone else thinks it’s funny or not an issue and I didn’t mention it. We’re not in contact now so the problem resolved itself. I wasn’t comfortable with it and I didn’t think it was normal, most people understand physical boundaries and what’s appropriate.

    If you’ve said that you’re not comfortable then that should be enough to stop it. I’m sorry that they’ve not listened to you and are making you question yourself.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Aug 4, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2020
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  3. Nic2552

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    Thanks for the response, I did pull my girlfriend aside privately and told her that her sister does that. It was very uncomfortable but she didn’t listen. I don’t even say anything now because I think I’m going crazy. Her sister is going through her own personal stuff and she only does it when she drinks alcohol . Which makes me feel bad for writing this stuff . But I just needed to vent. I just don’t feel that being normal and it’s uncomfortable.
     
  4. HM03

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    If you were to smack or grab a stranger's butt on the street, you could probably get charged with something.

    It doesn't matter that she is straight, has kids or is "going through her own personal stuff", none of those are excuses to violate someone's boundaries. It's crappy that your girlfriend dismisses things that make you uncomfortable. You should NOT feel bad.
     
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  5. LostInDaydreams

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    You’re not going crazy. I think the vast majority people would be uncomfortable with their girlfriend’s sister grabbing or smacking their bum.

    As @HM03 said, it’s awful that your girlfriend hasn’t listened and whatever personal stuff the sister is going through, it’s no excuse fo her behaviour.

    If it’s making you feel crazy and doubt yourself, then it sounds almost like gaslighting. How’s your relationship otherwise?
     
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  6. PatrickUK

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    People do cross appropriate boundaries when they have had a drink, but that doesn't excuse their behaviour. A mature and reasonable person would moderate their alcohol intake instead of brushing off the concerns. The real craziness arises when these issues are ignored or dismissed.
     
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  7. LaraB

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    You're not crazy and it's nothing to do with your sexuality, it's your body and no one has right to touch it without your consent. It doesn't matter if she's straight or in a relationship. Can you address it directly with her when she's sober? She will get herself into serious trouble if she does it to a stranger so you'd be doing her a favour, however embarrassing it may be for her at the time.
     
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  8. silverhalo

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    I agree you are definitely not crazy. Its a shame everyone you have spoken to has brushed it off. Also who says she is straight, just because she has kids doesn't mean anything. Plus her sexuality is irrelevant to the point either way it's inappropriate.
     
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