Two Years

It's been a bit over two years since I first logged onto this forum. I'd just come out to my wife and felt quite confused and unsure of who I was. I spent some time with a counselor, came out to family and friends in distant places, then came out to friends at home. Like many who figure out, or accept, that they're gay at a later stage in life it was hard for me to accept my new identity as a gay man.

About 18 months ago I met the man who fairly quickly became my boyfriend. He'd also been married to a woman for many years and had recently come out. After going hiking and camping together, dining out, sharing beers, and developing a healthy and happy sex life, he moved in with me (and my ex-wife). As the months passed we've become ever closer. "I love you" is part of our dialog more than once a day. I hadn't felt that for a long time.

When BF and I first met I wasn't actively looking for a long-term relationship. It just developed organically as we spent more and more time together. I don't think it's something you can force or try too hard at.

Time does heal a lot of wounds, to paraphrase an old saying. I don't think I was actually wounded, but the struggle for self-acceptance has become much easier. There are days when I still doubt myself, but those are getting fewer and farther between. I still hesitate to refer to "my boyfriend" in some situations, but those are also getting less common even as a self-employed business person who sometimes has clients that have different values than mine. It will probably be a long time before I'm completely open with everyone, but I expect that will eventually happen.

To those who are in the throes of self-discovery, it does get better. Hang in there. I'm glad I did as I'm now happier than I'd been for a long time and friends have commented about that unprompted.