Hi all, wanted to post for feedback and advice as I'm trying to come to better understanding of my gender identity. I only began to understand my gender the last couple of years and my education on these labels isn't as thorough as I'd like. (I'm nearly 41 and, quite frankly, we didn't even know most terms when I was growing up.) As AMAB, I always knew my sexuality was different than most, but never really came to terms with it until I realized my swings in attraction were attached to my gender. I always had an interest in more feminine entertainment, clothing, etc. growing up but was trained that varying from gender roles was not "manly"...then i realized I'm not manly. These days I'm trying to decide where I fit. I don't have the desire to physically transition to female, but I do have dreams where I look that way and I'm often upset when I wake up. I like being identified with she/her labels at times and get a boose of serotonin from being called more affection terms that were always reserved for girls growing up. A few people have told me I may be a trans female, but I'm still not sure I'm comfortable with that. I don't love non-binary either, as I feel there are times when I very much value traditional male or female presentation. Genderfluid and genderqueer are interesting to me, and (as my name says) I'm currently accepting queer as a kind of catch-all. Sorry if this is all kind of a ramble but that's just how I am with these gender thoughts these days. I know I'm not a straight up male and from there...I'm always wondering. If anyone has any thoughts on how they approached things or feedback, I'm open to all of it. Thanks for reading.
Hey! I like the approach you're taking of trying to understand how you feel and then figuring out which label(s) correspond with that. That's kinda what I did. I'm an AFAB person, and after realizing I didn't feel I was a woman or man, I looked at non-binary terms such as genderfluid, genderless, demigirl, etc. and figured out that I identify as genderless. While reading the first few parts of your post, I wondered if you are trans female, but since you say you also sometimes like presenting as masculine, I'm not sure. It makes me thing you might be genderfluid. What parts of your masculine presentation do you like? That's something that might help in figuring out if you feel more genderfluid or more trans female. Also how often would you say you present as feminine vs. masculine? Hope this helps.
