Trying to figure myself out

What I am about to say, I have never told anyone, ever. I was assigned male at birth and was raised in a strict, Christian home. There was never a chance for me to even consider that I wasn't what I was told I was. I never liked sports, cars, or really anything stereotypically male. My interests were considered geeky I guess. I never questioned my gender but I have always been at least a bit feminine and I only became more and more so after I turned 18. For the longest time I just thought I was somehow immature but I'm not. It just never occurred to me that I could be anything other than what I was assigned at birth as.

In high school I remember wanting to wear women's jeans, skinny jeans specifically, I told myself it was just an emo thing, and that is what I told everyone else. Of course I was never allowed to because in our home what I wore was strictly regulated. As the years went on I had to hide this part of myself that was and I feel is female. Online I can be whoever I want, I don't have to show my face, or tell anyone my name. But in real life I am how I appear, at least to everyone else. When I started playing video games differently, wanting to be female, things started to click more. I started to really consider if what I had been feeling all of these years was something more.

Well I am now thirty years old, unmarried, never had kids. Over the past couple of years especially this has been gnawing on me. More and more I just do not want to be in this body anymore. If I am really busy with life it's easy to take my mind off of it. But then just little things will pop into my head. I've thought about how it would feel to be addressed as "ma'am" instead of "sir". Honestly I don't like being addressed with formal pronouns at all, but being acknowledged as female would feel amazing. I feel like because I was conditioned my entire life to be male, I was never given the chance to consider anything else. All of my friends are also women and I have found that I get along with them much better than men.

I am still attracted to women exclusively, that never changed, so that makes things even more confusing. If I am transgender (woman) then does that also make me a lesbian? It's why I selected "other" for so much of my profile, because I just do not know what to put. What I do know is that I would feel amazing if I could look in the mirror and see a woman instead of a man. I believe that the depression I've been feeling for so long would start to lift, that I'd feel more confident, and that I would feel like I could truly be myself.

My family is still very Southern Baptist and they are in my life a lot. If I turned out to be transgender it would probably make my family feel devastated. They would think that I am a freak, possessed, I don't know. But it would be chaotic. It's because they truly believe in their hearts and souls that transgender people are just choosing to be how they are, I've heard my father say that more than once. He especially would think that I've lost my mind and wouldn't believe me that I'd been feeling that way for years. Honestly it would just be a nightmare scenario. As such I feel like I am trapped because my living situation, at the moment, depends on part of my family, specifically my sister. As I said no one in my life, not even my friends, have any idea what I am feeling.

I have no idea what to do.