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Trouble coming out to my friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 17Wanderlust, Aug 1, 2021.

  1. 17Wanderlust

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    So I came out to myself as bi, came out to my therapist next, she recommended to tell my best friend who is LGBTQ+ friendly. But for some reason I just can't build up the nerve to tell her. Tonight a work friend and I were talking and kinda joking around about my past relationship fails and how I'm workingon myself before dating again. She said "so if I asked you out you'd turn me down, unless if you don't swing that way". So I told her that I actually do, I also told her that she is only the 3rd person I told.

    Long story short, now I told a work friend but not my best friend. I guess I should just sorta rip the bandaid off and tell her, I know she will be supportive so I'm not sure why I'm having trouble with this.
     
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  2. Ram90

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    Coming out can be very nerve-wracking and anxious. It's absolutely fine to want to come out and not find the right moment to do so. I think you were feeling confident and your work friend was easy to talk to. If you know your best friend will be supportive, perhaps you could explore options to come out? For instance, through an email or text or over the phone if you feel coming out in person might not be easy?
     
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  3. Ingvermama

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    I feel your pain. I want to tell my friend today, and I know she will be fine about it, she’s had same sex relationships before, but there’s something in my head feels so worried about it! I’m going to do it though because it’s a part of me and I should be proud to tell people. You can do this if I can!
     
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  4. I'm gay

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    The people closest to us are usually the most difficult to come out to. It's easier to come out to acquaintances and work friends. Why? It's because we feel we have more to lose with the people closest to us. It's ok if you come out to people more distant to you than your best friend as first steps. Those first steps can help you build confidence before coming out to people whose opinions of us matter more.
     
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  5. 17Wanderlust

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    Hope all went well with talking with your friend
     
  6. Ingvermama

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    Hey, yes it did go well, she was fabulous! I am so pleased I was able to come out!
     
  7. 17Wanderlust

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    Update: I told my friend!!

    We were talking about relationships and she asked if I was open to being in a relationship with someone (A month ago she set me up with a guy as a casual double date and the guy got on my nerves so nothing came of it). I thought to myself "this is my moment to tell her" so I stumbled a bit and blurted out "I'm bi, by the way". We both laughed at my weird and unintentional pun. Then I went on to explain I would like a relationship but tend to get scared when things get too close too fast. I'm currently working on this and getting better with communicating first rather than running scared.

    Also my work friend and I are talking/texting more outside of work and hanging out too. I think it might turn out to be something more but she knows a bit of my relationship struggles and I've never been with a girl, so she's not really pushing. Just getting to know each other and she drops a few flirty comments once in awhile.
     
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  8. QuietPeace

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    I am glad that things went well.
     
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  9. Ingvermama

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    17wanderlust that’s great to hear! It is so nerve wracking coming out, but once you pop you can’t stop!
     
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  10. quebec

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    17Wanderlust.....It sucks that it is so difficult to come out to people! :old_eek: I just wish that all the straight people would have to go through the same thing so that they would start to understand what we have to deal with! Alas! since we are the minority, we are the ones who have to go through the process of telling the world that we are different than everyone else...and not just once! We end up having to do it over and over for our entire lives. Fortunately it does get easier, and sometimes it can get to the point where we don't even actually have to say it. As we become more comfortable in our LGBTQIA+ skin sometimes our clothing or other things about us "broadcast" that we are a part of the queer community and then we don't have to go through the process of coming out - it becomes obvious! :old_big_grin: In the meantime, we have to face the fact that we often have to verbally come out to people and the ones who are closest to us are usually the most difficult. They are the ones who really matter to us. If they reject us, it really does hurt...their opinion really does matter to us and those rejections are the ones that make our life hard. If a person in the grocery store checkout line makes a rude comment about a guy with fingernail polish and calls one of us a fag...so what. We don't care very much about his opinion. Oh it does hurt a little, no one likes to be treated that way. But you can turn around, smile and tell him he is a homophobic SOB and then just write it off because you don't know him and will probably never see him again. So the fight goes on and on. It's better now than when the Stonewall riots happened and we can hope that it will be better in 20 years than it is now. Perhaps someday it will get to the point that the sexuality of a person is just not that important...we can hope and in the meantime work towards that goal! I hope that it will get easier for you and maybe that work-friend relationship will turn into something special! :old_smile:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #10 quebec, Sep 23, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2021
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