Tried to come out to my sister

Well, not in my sexuality, but my gender.

My sister did initially feel angry at me when I came out as trans to her. She told me this later on, because she felt I was in someway trying to replace our late sister(my late twin). However, once she saw that I wasn't trying to replace anyone but myself, my old self that is, that anger dissipated.

Our little brother however was a different matter. After I came out to him, he told our mother "I think he's just seeking attention, going through a phase." I only found this out via our mother. He's since come around. But I was uninvited to his wedding that December, which if I had been invited to, I would have had to have been in pants.

Later that year(After my major coming out, well before the wedding); I came out to my paternal grandparents. I got a letter from my grandmother the Wednesday after, condemning me for being trans, telling me how selfish I was being and that I should have thought of my future before I took such drastic steps. I know she will still need time to come around, if she ever does.

 

My sister was the first family member I ever tried coming out to. She listened to everything I said, but because I hadn't come out to anyone (apart from on EC) at all and hadn't been on dates or on any dating apps, I had to response or comeback when she concluded "being gay was a phase or figment of my imagination" since I had no real-life experience of dating guys or girls to back "my claims" up. Also she said she's hate me for life and ask me to cut ties with her and her family (She's married) if I ever declared I was gay in public.

That was my twin sister, who grew up with me, the closest person ever! She had seen the real me, even stuff I had hidden from my own parents, and yet she thought and understood me wrong. This was in Late 2016 and we've not been as close since. Sure, we talk and stuff, but I've never disclosed my inner feelings to her and she's not been talking to me that often also. Do we hate each other? No. But we've both grown up since that dark day and as adults, we just have different responsibilities now. But since she made her feelings clear (even if they came out mid-argument) I've not tried coming out to her ever again, or tried to explain it to her, since I'm also currently staying with my orthodox-homophobic parents.

That said, you could try telling your sister again. But as all parents, siblings and family members go, they will claim to know you better than yourself, having seen you grow up, et al. Understanding the concept of "being in a closet" is something foreign to them. They will not understand it at the get go. So be prepared to be super-patient. You might need to explain it multiple times to your sister before she understands it. She likely knows what the term means and what it means to be 'asexual'. Getting her to understand that 'you identify as asexual' is what might end up taking time and patience. .

Sorry if any of this wasn't helpful

 

That sounds like a frustrating conversation. Over time she might start to understand better when she realises you don't ever date people. We do generally have a culture of 'everyone should have a partner' so it's difficult when you don't feel that way. You could perhaps try showing her some examples online of other asexuals describing how it feels and then say 'that's the same for me'. Try to take each person as an individual i.e don't let one bad interaction stop you from telling other people if you want to share it with anyone else.

 

That's so sad I hope that one day you will be able to be closer again and reach some kind of understanding.