I really attempted to bottle up my emotions and that’s partly why I haven’t posted lately. However, instead of getting better and having new things to talk about, I have instead suffered from more sadness and pain from how this year has gone for me. I’ve made attempts to be more social and break the spell of social isolation that’s honestly gotten worse as the years have gone on. Despite my best efforts, I keep getting others flaking on me, dragging their feet to the point I lose all of my patience, disinterest in even being my friend, and shut out from joining in on social events. This has lately been happening with the therapy group I am a part of. Even when I mention to others that I want to hang out, something always happens with them and my social growth remains stunted. I also thought my luck in regards to romance was going to change but the person didn’t even want to talk to me. I even joined a hiking group because I was told women find men who hike attractive for a number of reasons but none of the women want to even keep in touch outside the group events and some disappear entirely. It doesn’t help that I can only attend the events once a week due to my restrictive work schedule and sometimes not even then because constant inclement weather for the last few months often cancels the hikes. I feel like I will eventually stop going just like with every Meet Up group I’ve joined up with. Due to the constant bad incidents I’ve experienced this year, I now suffer from PTSD-like flashbacks. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing. My mind will be assaulted with the thoughts of the bad events I’ve been dealt with throughout this year. I want something to go my way before the year ends.