Okay, so I want to come out, but a friend of mine who is transgender as well came out to my family last Christmas, and she was not welcomed. My parents are really transphobic, and I don't know to come out to them in a way that they won't kick me out of the house. Please throw out some ideas...
If you are genuinely concerned that they might throw you out, then I would suggest waiting until you’re in a position to move out and are financially independent. That doesn’t mean you can’t come out to friends and others that will be accepting, or possibly find a local support/social group, but it is important to prioritise your safety and having a roof over your head. I understand that it’s hard to pretend to be something that you’re not, but things could also be really uncomfortable for you if you do tell them and they’re not accepting.
Hi Myles, Lost In Daydreams is right - your safety must be your top priority. It may feel like agony holding this essential part of yourself in to them, but I would make sure you have a solid support structure of friends in place before you come out to your parents. I have a similar dilemma at the other end of the age scale. I have a loose arrangement of joint custody with my 13 year old stepson. His father is a fairly nasty controlling manipulative individual whom I'm pretty certain is transphobic. It would be madness to come out to my stepson at the moment - I would quite possibly never see him again. I have to accept that I'm going to have to lead a double life over the next couple of years at least, spending half the week male and half the week female. It's going to be enormously stressful but I will do it - not just for him, but because losing him at this stage would break my heart. Hope this helps, Beth
MylesAbel.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematical. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out. Please don't get into a rush about coming out...you have plenty of time! You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! An additional plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading the letter some time to process what you said before they talk to you. After all, you've had years to think about your sexuality...giving them at least some time to think about it only seems fair as well as getting you out of a possible hot conversation! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real comfort! Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or 10 years from now, your parents and friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc.. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of ten or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, thoughtful person. COMING OUT LETTERS: Go to the Empty Closets Login page, but do not login. At the top, you will see some links. Click on "Resources". That will bring up a page with a box on the upper left. In that box, you will see a link to "Coming out Letters". Click that and you are there! I wish you much good luck...you can and will make it! Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
