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Transitioning as a parent

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Tariken, Apr 20, 2018.

  1. Tariken

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    Bisexual
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    Out to everyone
    Hello all, I'm new here. So I've known I was transgender for about 6 years when I found the term that explained how I felt since I was a pre-teen. I've been out to everyone as Bisexual, except to my extended family and parents, since I was 15. I'm 31 now and have decided to no longer put my happiness on the back-burner to please my family, my partner (of 13 years), and our 3 children (12, 8, and 5 years old). I'm now a little over 2 weeks on testosterone and have come out to everyone in my life. My partner has (luckily) accepted me as male and I go by my new name and I am much happier. Now I'm just looking for some advice on how to navigate some details of how to go from being "Mom" to being "Dad #2". As a couple, my partner and I will be going from seemingly "straight" to "gay" when in public. As a parent, I don't know how to react when my kids yell "MOM!" in the stores to get my attention or even how to introduce myself to my kid's teachers or other parents. I wouldn't mind my kids calling me "Dad" as well but how do they then differentiate me from my partner? I'm sure it's something we can figure out as we go but any advice or suggestions or even just what I could possibly expect as a new "gay dad" would be appreciated ^^
     
  2. Orchidea123

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    Wishing you best - must be a lot to adjust and get used to. I don't know much about transitioning and families dealing with this change.. Good luck!
     
  3. smee

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    This may not directly apply, but one of the kids in my son's scout troop was the child of a lesbian couple. One parent was transgender, and she passed easily (at least to me; I didn't find out until years later.) There was one time that the parents were talking and her son called out to her across the room with a "DAAAD!"

    She did what most parents would do if their kid interrupted like that. She ignored his yelling, waited until he came close and then quietly discussed the matter at hand. Personally, I just wrote off the use of "Dad" as some sort of family shorthand to tell his two moms apart. I don't think that anyone batted an eye.
     
  4. oldpulteney

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    Borrowing a word from another language might be an option. My son calls me “Baba” and any kids I might have/adopt with a future partner would probably call him “Dad”. They mean the same thing but in different languages.
     
  5. Woodswoman

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    Maybe pose the 'problem' and question directly to your kids? They may get creative and have some fun coming up with a new 'nickname' for you! Of course, you can throw some hints in there about what you're comfortable with. I like the idea of borrowing from a different language. At any rate, I think discussing it as a family with their involvement will not only ensure that everyone is on the same page, but your kids can hopefully feel some ownership in the decision-making process.
     
    kkou, sparki and LostInDaydreams like this.
  6. sparki

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    I have always done the “guy” things. The tools are mine. I fix things, edge and mow the lawn etc. My daughter started calling me mom-dude when she was in Jr. High. It made me happy.

    So glad you are finding your path. My kids call their dad papa. Pops is another that my nephews use in reference to their dad. The there is the part of me where movie lines pop in my head so how about faja?