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Trans MtF / FtM self-esteem issues and how can we help?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Monika the Diva, Jun 7, 2014.

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  1. Kasey

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    I'm not on hormones.

    How do I look?

    Could I be girlier? Yes. But I'm not too bad. I don't think I can go on hormones due to my job... If I figured myself out before getting established in life I would have already fully transitioned.

    But like you said... Some of us make due with what we have.
     
  2. LonestarConnie

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    Y'all are cliquey FYI
     
  3. confuzzled82

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    Well, there's always the option of coming out to administration, starting over the summer, and transferring to a different school in the district at the new school year, isn't there? (I'm assuming the big issue being students that currently know you as Mr. {lastname} seeing you as Ms. {lastname} while still students....)
     
  4. Gates

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    I fail to see how offering advice and supporting one another could be deemed as 'cliquey.'

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 10:40 AM ----------

    Protege, I agree with Kasey.

    Kaset, you do have options. (*hug*)
     
  5. LonestarConnie

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    Oh please, you people give praise only to your inner circle
     
  6. Gates

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    So, the closet is finally gone. I came out to nearly everyone I know and didn't get a single negative reaction (though, I think most don't get the difference between my identity and that of a butch lesbian... ). Oh well! At least no panicking!
     
  7. Monika the Diva

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    Connie this does not offer any insight or assistance of any kind.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 01:30 PM ----------

    This one either. Please Connie please dont derail the topic. If you have a thought that may helpful to someone please post it by all means. We are here to help each other. Please refrain from posting inflamatory remarks as such these. I would really appreciate it very much.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 01:34 PM ----------

    Anyway, I came back from the clinic with mixed feelings. I feel great because nothing is holding me back. But theres a small part of me thats a little sad. Its hard to let go but I'm at the end of my male cycle. Now my new challenges await thee such as dealing with my brother and my dad. I have to talk to my mom to strategize my next move. I have to explain to my mom that now is the best time to transition because I still live at home. But my self-esteem is still flying high.
     
  8. Dinah

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    What I've come to realize about myself over the years is that all the guilt and shame and self-loathing and all those other negative emotions, those have become my primary addiction. Of course there has also been the alcohol, and the occasional marijuana, and also on and off tobacco (cigs). A couple times my drinking became deadly, once even wrecking my car (went into a water-runoff ditch, up the embankment, launched airborne and landed, all four wheels down, on the driveway of a JW church) on one of the country-road highways between hometown and neighboring college town (read: drunkville), another time involving a very large bottle of Grey Goose and a load of laundry in the wash at the apartment where I was living, clothes got stolen, blacked out that night, several drunk calls to friends and family, woke up sorely hungover and in much pain and VERY late for work.

    After wrecking my car I forced myself to put the bottle down (for a long time) and start sorting out my thoughts and emotions which led me to heavy drinking in the first place. Spent a few years in the military, and on several occasions back then, also drank myself so stupid, that there are periods of time that I don't remember anything about.

    As someone else in this thread stated, I also feel unworthy and undeserving of anything, I want for many things, but I feel and have always felt like I am just one colossal mistake, and that my existence serves no purpose, there's no point to my having been born. Abandonment issues from countless experiences in my life, religion-induced guilt and shame, guilt and shame because of the things I've done or haven't done. Anger, bitterness, resentment, regret. Negativity, as I said that I've learned to crave because feeling good and soul-liberatingly happy just feels like something I'll never know, and I don't deserve it.
     
    #168 Dinah, Jun 12, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2014
  9. ProtegeMoi

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    Kasey you're 100% right you pass very well with no hrt and ffs. Im sure hair, makeup and clothes would make a big difference in me recognizing I can look female.

    Gates- that's awesome news!! I'm glad they were supportive even if they don't totally get it.

    Monika think of it like molting or shedding skin. Youre still you just getting a fresh look. I think as much as our undesired gender drives us nuts there is the comfort in the familiar. Divalicious either way.

    Adia- I know it gets said all over but its true - you are so worth it and deserving of love and happiness. I have optimism in the long run that things will work out. I've been in a funk for about 10 years and am just starting to make progress. Please don't hold onto all of the crap from before that has weighed you down. Regrets and guilt are toxic and I hope that you can find peace here and take that with you into your everyday life. I'm glad that you are in control of your drinking and recognize that its a dangerous path.

    Do you have someone you can bounce things off of and vent to?
     
  10. Dinah

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    Whether or not there is any truth to certain individuals here on these forums or on some other forums, or elsewhere online OR offline, you can't change what they think of people and you will only make yourself miserable by dwelling on that.

    The only thing you can (and should) do, is change your perception. Like you, I struggle with feeling left out, cast out, and unwanted. But I sit down and I think and I analyze what I'm feeling and WHY (most importantly) I feel something.

    If what other people think of you matters to you, all you're really doing is giving them all your personal power to find your own sense of belonging. Sure, yeah, you can say something about it, complain about it, whatever. But doing so will only confirm to yourself and to any others (who may actually be wanting to let you in) why they shouldn't let you into their little cliquey, inner circles.

    I'm not judging you for feeling the way you do, nor am I judging others who may or may not be excluding you or anyone. I am simply trying to help you realize that it shouldn't matter to you, because at the end of the day, where does your identity and self-acceptance come from. Where are these cliques and inner circles when the sun goes down, where are they weeks, months or years from this moment?

    Live for you. Nobody else will.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 10:52 AM ----------

    Yeah, I've been talking to a therapist, to try and get my depression under control. As for my mind and body feeling out of sync, I've so far told my best friend, my oldest younger sister, and my older brother about my feelings.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 10:54 AM ----------

    And thanks for the words of encouragement. It's nice to know that there are people who will be a shoulder to lean on when it feels like nobody else understands.

     
  11. Kasey

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    All I can say is well done Bro for being in the complete light with no shadows falling on you.

    Sis, did I not say almost the exact same thing to you in that text that Pro said? Don't forsake the crab. You're just moving shells.

    Adia... i can't tell you how long it took for me to get into understanding myself beyond being a "confused crossdresser" due to ingrained transphobia and self loathing and Catholic guilt.

    I do regret not recognizing it earlier. But I can't turn back the hands of time.

    And Pro, can I call you that?

    I left ALL of my pics up. You can see my evolution. You can't tell how feminine you are until you try.
     
    #171 Kasey, Jun 12, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2014
  12. LonestarConnie

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    Since I've shaved, just that has given me a more positive self-image of the woman that I am. I look good and feel good, feel soft, feel feminine. Very rewarding.

    -Case in point made about clique-
     
    #172 LonestarConnie, Jun 12, 2014
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  13. Monika the Diva

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    I wanted to touch a few of these points that i highlight in bold.
    (1) If that was your past and you chose to put down the bottle that's great because that's just the beginning to becoming a better you. You saw that choosing to stop drinking yourself silly is a good start for a positive change.

    (2) I felt this way at one point. I had nothing but self-hatred in my past for myself. But the best medicine for this is you must give yourself a purpose. For instance, from personal experience, I learned that i cannot be happy unless i have a sense of self and direction with my life. I realized that i can help people so i chose to become a clinical psychologist. I went back to school so i can get a degree so i can help others. When i realized i was transgendered i realized that i could help others on the same boat. I know those negative thoughts are VERY VERY addicting i also know that. But you must find it in yourself to know your own self worth. I found mine and honestly, you ARE worth it and you ARE deserving of living and having a happy life. You must find something in your heart that you want to do and do it. Give yourself a purpose and chase it and you'll be a even better purpose. It takes a LONG time to find it but I found my calling. It took me over 20 years to find it but i found it. You must analyze yourself and figure out what makes you happy. For me becoming a psychologist to help people in the future gives me the drive to be the best i can be. I hope your able to find that drive that you need to kick ass. I also questioned my existence at some point. When i realized who i was and came to terms with it. I put that hatred side and buried it. And became a stronger and better person. My question to you is what makes you happy? What selfless act can you do that makes you feel better about you?

    (3) From what i can say is you must find something that makes you feel better about yourself. You need to find the answer within yourself. You will find it, and remember YOU do deserve a better life for yourself. You MUST do what makes YOU happy. If you EVER need to talk PM me. I'm here for you!

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 03:23 PM ----------

    Thank you so much Moi! (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 03:28 PM ----------

    (1) I bet, it brings me back to the first time i shaved my legs when i was 28 years old. It felt weird but god-damn it. It felt good to have clean shaven legs. Self-Maintence like that definitely feels awesome. :eusa_danc

    (2) That statement that is UNNECESSARY. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. :dry:
     
  14. ConfusedAtHeart

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    That's great! Keep on keepin' on! :thumbsup:
     
  15. Monika the Diva

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    Thanks Sis. I've been thinking about it. :slight_smile:
     
  16. LonestarConnie

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    Thanks!
     
  17. Claudette

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    I've decided to stop trusting the mirrors at work. They make me look bluh. You all are right, I do look good ;D
     
  18. Kasey

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    They grimey fogged up ones?

    Yea can't trust em...
     
  19. LonestarConnie

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    Gosh I wish I remember when this was, perhaps 2007, during college, I was part of a group that watched the Sundance Film Documentary "Transgeneration". The documentary followed the lives of (at least) 6 trans individuals, each in their own stages of transition. At the end too, one of the members of the show came and did a Q&A. It was all very interesting and inspiring.

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2014 at 04:46 PM ----------

    Gotta love proving my earlier point that I must have going say 5 topics going on under "Gender Identity and Expression" and the clique here doesn't participate in any of em. Thanks for y'alls contributions!
     
  20. Claudette

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    I mean I look terrible in them lol but when I get home I look good. I think it's the lighting & angle
     
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