I have a question... because it's been bugging me for a while. And it may be obvious, i don't know. But are there many/any trans people who live their life without transitioning, even though they have the choice? I ask because, i feel like i have a choice, but i also sort of don't. I'm probably, like really probably, trans male and feel like i never had a choice to begin with. And while i could transition, there are concerns that i have to do with health, employment, life and whatever that don't negate the positives, but just don't make me feel motivated to persue it enough. I don't feel like I'm living the life of a -female- now though either. I've gotten to a point where I'm comfortable. I still get dysphoria but it just feels like.... a part of me now... does that even make sense. Honestly, I've found a lot of comfort in just accepting that and not forcing myself into the act i was unintentionally falling into before to be "normal". I've accepted the thoughts more of thinking of myself, instinctively as a guy, which is something, before i knew about trans, that had confused me for a very long time. I'll probably come out, one day, to those closest to me. Most of them already know anyway that i dont feel affiliation to my birth sex... where am i going with this. Yep, sorry, back to the original question, is it strange to feel like this... i know the answer i would give to someone else asking this, but i probably dont put much value to my own feelings all that much. Also sorry for the bad grammar, like usual, typing on a tablet is not something I'm very patient with :/
I think plenty of people live their lives without transitioning. I'd basically considered it for a long time, thinking that I was doomed if I transitioned. But, I know in my heart that I will forever suffer with severe depression and feelings of inadequacy if I don't try to live my life as a man. I've been referred to the GIC and will transition when I start T. Not before because I think it will make me feel insecure.
I feel that transitioning takes many different forms. We tend to focus too much on the physical when the psychological part of transitioning is often just as important. Choosing to not transition physically while accepting the fact that you are male is completely reasonable and is a decent compromise when you aren't in a place to medically transition. I know that I would medically transition without hesitation if my family was supportive of the process. Without their support, the price that I would have to Pay to complete the process would simply be too high and I don't want to risk hurting people that I love just so I will have some peace of mind. Every person has their own journey to make and you shouldn't feel forced to take a door that feels wrong for you. You can always change your mind later on in life when you are in a better place to transition. It is also important to remember that transitioning has only recently become something that is fairly common knowledge. Only last year I learned what it even meant to transition and I am 35. Taking this into consideration there have been a huge amount of trans people who never transitioned and didn't even know they had such an option. I'm sure that many did identify internally as their innate gender and found comfort through that identification.
I think the previous comment is valid to an extent. However, will and want have to be considered when measuring the impact to family - ultimately, putting their wishes and comfortability ahead of your own feels a tad selfish on their part and reductive to the respect afforded to your state of mind and personal wishes. However, each person has their own interpretation of an appropriate and respectful family dynamic; I am not one to judge or impress my opinion. That assessment has to be the individual's alone. Just don't compromise a life time of contentment for the sake of the opinion of a few others. Those are, by all accounts, dangerous and destructive waters.
Putting others before yourself is something that is not inherently negative. I struggled with this question for a year, I pushed my family away, fell into a deep depression as a result and was one step away from cutting them out of my life. Many do take that step but it is a choice like any other and taking the other door is not always a bad decision. My family loves me, they are happy and living a good life. I find happiness through their happiness, I enjoy making their lives better and helping them when I can, I enjoy hugging my nieces and nephews and being there for them when they grow up. Yes, I struggle with severe dysphoria, I also don't identify as male even though my body says otherwise. However, I am being true to myself because taking care of others and supporting them is at the heart of who I am, by leaving them, I would lose a huge part of myself and I don't feel that it is the right decision make under the circumstances. Things would undoubtedly be different if they accepted the fact that I was trans. They couldn't do so for their own reasons and I spent long enough feeling hurt because of that. I originally hoped that time would make things better, but it didn't. That's life and I can't have anyone else as my family. The thing is, they are good people despite this lack of acceptance and I love them for who they are. I would sacrifice myself for their sake without hesitation. So I am doing so to a certain extent, that's my decision and I will live with the consequences of my decision and accept them.
Fine and fair enough, we all have choices in life. Our own personal ethics and the dichotomy of managing family relationships differ from person to person. In my case, I know that my family wouldn't allow a choice made on how I present myself to trivialise our relationship. It all boils down to the type of life you are willing to lead and whether you forge your own path regardless, OP.
Ive been asking myself the same question a lot recently. If my wife can't accept me presenting a woman, but can accept parts of me expressing as a woman at home with her, will that be enough for me? I'm not sure of the answer. Personally I'm still hopeful that she will come to terms with me being a woman and she can be supoortive. But I'm not sure that will happen. And of it can't happen will the happiness I lose because I have to leave her and my family and friends outweighed by the happiness I will feel from transitioning.
Thanks for your thoughts so far. I guess I should mention that I've already been through hell and back with some of my family - I know those who are with me now would stick by me if I did transition (minus maybe a couple, but they'd probably get used to it) my mum would probably be the biggest one against it, but this wouldnt be something to hold me back or make and break the choice about transitioning. It's more that I have concerns about health and $, even if I were to go through with it, I don't think I would still feel "complete". (I don't mean any offense to anyone here by saying that - that's how I feel about myself, not other trans people). I toy with the idea of T though I'll admit, every now and then. But I don't know if its something I would do. I crave the effects of it though. I'm not scratching it off as a never. But I feel like transitioning would be for my own comfort, not for me to fit into what society expects a male to be. I care less and less about other peoples views on "a male is a cis/post-T-op transman". I'm careful with what I eat, exercise, in a way to keep my body comfortable enough in how it appears, have the freedom to wear, do whatever I want, be myself as much as I want, and I feel like these alone are enough right now, combined with accepting the dysphoria as an unavoidable part of who I am. Those who are more in tune with lgbt and gender things would probably clue into that I'm not cis, I've been asked by a friend before if I'm trans. Pass in public hit and miss. But otherwise I just focus on what makes me comfortable, I just don't know/think right now that that requires a physical transition.
