Two months today i’ll be having top surgery! I’m really excited, I’ve been binding for nine years. I believe that I got used to the uncomfortability, just sort of got on with it. Finally though, it’s happening. So it’s weird like I’m so excited, but I’m also incredibly nervious. It’s not even so much a gender thing, like a separate issue all of their own, they just shouldn’t be there, it’s been distressing and repulsive for fifteen years. But now they are going to go. When I think about surgery I’m excited but also get the sick feeling. I don’t know if it’s disbeleif, a weird attachment, normal fear of change or maybe it is just excitement. It’s hard to articulate. Does anyone relate to the whole post surgery nerves and what was it like after?
I think it's normal to be afraid of something before major life changing surgery no matter how much you want it. It would be weirder to not be afraid at all I think although it would be more comfortable. I was really nervous before my top surgery. It was my first surgery ever and I was terrified of anesthesia. I was sure I was going to die. I also couldn't even imagine my life without the literal burden I had and going out without a binder. It felt too good to be true. I just tried to pass the time and think about something else. I tried to eat well. Lots of protein since that can help in the healing process. I bought new shirts that I couldn't wear before surgery since I had too much to bind properly. I lived under layers of clothing and hoodies. I remember just feeling unreal about that but I was really excited to wear them after surgery. I asked to get some sedatives in the hospital before the actual surgery. Knowing that helped me because I knew I wouldn't have to deal with the stress after arriving there and no weird survival instinct would kick. I thought I was going to die quite likely after all. I couldn't believe I was flat after I woke up until a nurse came to check it and I saw my chest. It took a long time to sink in. Now I feel like I was always flat. It's been a bit over a year. I was pretty painless after surgery by the way. My recovery was easy although I had the double incision. The "hospital binder" I had to wear for 8 weeks was annoying. It was the worst part. I wasn't afraid of the recovery at all since I was so sure I would just die. It's not easy for everybody of course but it's not that hard for many who go through it either.
