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Too young to know.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Methrandir, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. Methrandir

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    So, today I came out to my parents. They were fine with it but they said that I am too young to know and label myself. I see where they're coming from but I DO know and they probably don't realise how early people come out these days.Help?!?!:confused:
     
  2. HM03

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    Congrats on coming out! While it sucks that they think it may just be a phase, its good that they took it okay :slight_smile:

    I'd just remind them that they most likely knew they were straight at 14. And that its unfair that 14 isn't too young to know you're straight, but is too young to know that youre gay.

    In a few years when you're still gay, they'll realize they were wrong :slight_smile:
     
    #2 HM03, Jan 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2016
  3. Chip

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    14 is definitely not too young. I'd give them some PFLAG information and see if you can get them to go to a meeting. Hearing other parents discuss the issue will help them come around. Or... point them here :slight_smile:
     
  4. TheBiBoy

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    I knew I was bisexual since I knew what love was and that was a very long time ago so 14 is definitely not too young to know. Did you try to talk to them? My dad and mom was a small bit like that but I talked to them about it and they came around so that might help you too. And what chip said about telling them to go to a meeting that may help also. Once they are fine it with it you should just be happy that you are gay and you know it. And once you can embrace that you might feel more comfortable and be able to confront your parents with more information to help persuade them that you are old enough to know. HM03 makes a very true point. It is very unfair that they would know they would be straight at 14 and think you're not old enough to know. How long did you know you were gay for? You could use this to tell them?

    If you need to talk drop me a wall message and I'd love to talk to another Irish person!

    Tell us how it goes,
    TheBiBoy
     
  5. HunterRaven

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    I know how that feels. I was seventeen when I came out, and my mother gave me the same speech about being too young to know and to label myself. It could be to do with the shock of them grappling with something about that didn't know about you (in this case being gay). That was certainly how it was in my case even though my parents were fine with it and have LGBT friends themselves.

    But it's your feelings and they don't get to decide what you label yourself. How you describe yourself is your decision.

    Edit: Also glad to see some other Irish here!
     
    #5 HunterRaven, Jan 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2016
  6. sunshine360

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    I think it's a bit of denial. While it is possible to be confused, there are many people that realize they are gay long before 14.
     
  7. Chip

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    I'm sorry you're having that experience, but I'm also confident that you know yourself and aren't "too young".

    Your parents' misconception isn't uncommon. You may also just need to give them some time, as this is something you've been considering for quite a while but is brand new to them, so they're going through the same stages of loss (of perception you're straight) that you went through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.

    You might print out some PFLAG.org material for them to read. But most of all, just try and give them time to accept it.
     
  8. Feelunique

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    Glad your parents took ok and that you are comfortable with yourself. 14 isn't to young. I knew 3 or 4 that both sexes were cute and by 14 I knew for sure who I was.
     
  9. guitar

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    Several close gay friends knew by 4-5 and by 14 almost all of my gay friends knew they were when girls just didn't nothing for them but guys did. 14 is probably the average (or median?) age.

    There was a poll on this site about when people knew they were lgbt and early teens was by far the biggest group.
     
    #9 guitar, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
  10. Van

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    If you were straight they wouldn't think it was too young for you to know you liked girls. But I think this is common with parents of LGBT kids. Parents ask their 5 year olds if they like someone (of the opposite sex, of course :rolle:slight_smile: in kindergarten... but if their kid told them they're gay, then they are too young to know. They just don't always get it.

    But don't worry, they'll come around and acknowledge your gayness at some point, cuz let's face it - it most likely won't "go away" as you're growing older. :grin: At least they're not giving you hard time, so that's something. :slight_smile: Congrats on coming out! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  11. ConverseCody

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    I knew aged 9, so 14 obviously is not too young. The best thing I have found is to ask your parents when they knew they were straight?
     
  12. GayBoyBG

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    I also knew way before 14 years of age :slight_smile:
     
  13. sunshine360

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    I know that some teenagers definitely can be confused about their sexuality, but that isn't always the case. You're never too young to know. Me? I knew when I was around 6 or 7 years old!! That seems to be the case for many people.

    I think some parents might be a little in denial because it makes them feel better to believe that it is just a "phase" and not something you'll have to go through your entire life.
     
  14. Chloenatalie

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    My parents said the same when I came out (or rather they asked and demanded an answer) but just say to them when did you know your were straight. It's great they're OK with it
     
  15. Funn

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    Just keep in mind that parents are people, just like you and me. They have a whole lifetime of memories behind them, and most of what they say and do is probably done out of a desire to protect you from sharing their bad memories. I am in no way saying they are right, only you know that. I am saying, if two people who would probably die for you say you should give it some more thought, it may not be a bad idea. Even if you know you are only doing it out of respect for them. Even if you know that you know exactly what you are in regards to sexuality, it is not unfair of them to ask you to take some time to think it over. That is not the same as trying to convince you of anything. It sounds like they just want to make sure you aren't making any impulsive decisions. That is wise advice.

    I am saying this assuming they are descent parents, because it sounds like they are based on your post. Obviously only you have all of the information.