Too insecure or scared to present full time

Hi,

So I've got this weird issue. I know I'm a transwoman, I've been on hormones and out for a year now. Majority of people around me know. I still look very dudely though and often end up in situations where I allow myself to boy mode again and be referred to by my dead name and as a man, in the moment I'm all like "it's okay, I can handle it" and sometimes it doesn't even objectively come to mind, but afterwards I feel disgusted with myself, I feel flat, I feel sad and angry and I feel like I've let myself down. Like I don't know how to just embrace it and stand up for myself or correct people or in some cases refuse to be treated as myself rather than a man.

I'm talking to my therapist, they are of the opinion that it's me being too critical of myself, basically looking for things that I can go "my voice/shoulders/face/facial hair isn't feminine enough to get away with it so I can't correct people or present everywhere yet." I'm working on that part as it impacts other stuff in my life too.

That said it often makes me question all over again, which I hate because I know but then I have commitment issues and it leads to this insecurity and aaaaaah. Loopy loop

I'm rambling, sorry and thank you for reading.