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Tomorrow

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Austin226, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. Austin226

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    Warning: this will probably get kind of long

    I made this post a while ago https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/will-this-end-badly.451861/

    The highlights are that I was planning to come out to my mom as trans via email while I was away at a three-week summer class. I didn't think I would have the guts to actually do it, but now I'm at my class, there's about a week and a half left, and I want to send the email tomorrow.

    The thing is, now that it seems so possible, I'm not sure I want to do it. I don't know if I'm 100% sure about my gender identity and I'm afraid of coming out and then realizing that I was wrong. I'm not sure if this is because I'm really not sure or just because I'm nervous and my mom is the type of person who rarely takes me seriously in the first place.

    Here's the final draft of my letter so far. Feel free to skip it, I know it's pretty lengthy.

    You’ve probably had your suspicions for a while, but I’m finally ready to tell you. I’m transgender. As you read this, please try to keep an open mind and trust that I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time. I’m telling you this in an effort to be more honest and open with you and with myself. I wanted you to read this while I'm away so you will have time to consider it.
    This is about more than not liking dresses or preferring blue over pink; it’s about who I am and how I want people to see me. I’m not comfortable being seen as a girl. I want to live and be seen as male. I could list all the reasons that led me to the conclusion that I’m transgender, but I don’t think I need to. I think you already know that it’s true. I’m not writing this to convince you that this is who I am, I’m asking you to acknowledge and accept it.
    I’m terrified of what you’ll think of me after reading this. Sending this is the by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I hope that shows you how serious and how certain I am. This is not something I’ve taken lightly and it isn’t something you can talk me out of. Please understand that I will pursue transition with or without your approval, but I would really like to have your support.
    I would like to use my last year of high school to let you adjust to the idea of me becoming your son. I understand that you’ve known me as your daughter my whole life and it will take time for you to adjust, but I’m asking you to try. I plan to live as male in college and transition with hormones and surgery. For now, I'm not asking you to change anything. Just please try to get used to this idea.
    In a few years, I may look different, sound different, and be called by a different name, but I’ll always be your child. I know you may choose not to accept this, and there may not be anything I can do to change your mind, but I hope you will make an effort to understand.
    I've already talked about this with (friend) and she is supportive. I hope you will be, too.



    So I guess I have a few questions. Is this even a good idea? Is it okay to come out while I'm feeling unsure? Is it even worth coming out now if I'm not asking anyone to use a new name or pronouns yet?

    Thank you to anyone who read all that!
     
  2. iliketolift1

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    Hey dude, I read the whole thing and I think it's really well written. I think even if you aren't 100% sure about who you are it's still ok to send the email. Maybe you could pop in a little bit about still discovering who you are or something like that (it seems like you know who you are though). Even if you aren't using new pronouns or anything yet it's still a good idea as like you said in the email it gives your mother a chance to adjust.

    I hope my input helped a teensy bit!

    Best wishes!
     
  3. Austin226

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    Thanks for the reply! I think I'm going to send it and just deal with the consequences, whatever they are.
     
  4. iliketolift1

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    I'm happy for ya! You have more strength than I do. I hope everything goes well!
     
  5. quebec

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    Austin226....You are a brave and honest person. However this or anything in your life goes, emptyclosets people will be here for you. Keep us posted on how this turns out. We will do our best to be there with you....David
     
  6. Islanzadi

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    Hi! This is a very well written letter! :slight_smile: You sound sure of yourself by the way you expose the situation, I don't see why she would not take you seriously! :slight_smile:

    I only have one small suggestion, feel free to take it or not :slight_smile: Instead of saying "Please understand that I will pursue transition with or without your approval, but I would really like to have your support.", I would remove the part "with or without your approval" and just put "Please understand that I will pursue transition and I would really like to have your support." I just think it would make her feel less "cornered", but it's good either way! :slight_smile:

    You are couragous! Let us know how it went! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Austin226

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    Thanks David and Islanzadi, I'm nervous, but excited
     
  8. Islanzadi

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    You sure are! Let us know how it went :slight_smile:
     
  9. Lucky in Life

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    All the best, Austin226! That's a beautifully written, courageous letter, and we're all rooting for you!
     
  10. Austin226

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    Sent the email after class and then she called me when I got back to my dorm. A lot of "are you sure you're not just gay" and "how do you know" but she seemed pretty open to learning more. And we agreed to hold off on telling my dad, so that's good. All in all, not bad.
     
  11. Islanzadi

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    This is amazing!!! :slight_smile: Congratulations!! :grin:
     
  12. Lucky in Life

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    Congratulations!