It was a brief, terrifying, and sad conversation. He was not angry, just very quiet and hurt. I struggled mightly to find the words to say. I know there isn't anything I can do about the fact that I'm gay, that is clear to me. But I still feel guilty and sad for hurting him. I know we need to talk more, but neither of us know how to navigate this situation. I guess we'll see what happens.
Congrats on the bravery to be honest about yourself with your husband. When I came out to my wife I had been advised (by my therapist) to reinforce that I love her and want to stay married. But I’m bisexual, so that can make sense - I just had to keep repeating it. The emotional roller-coaster started for my wife (and so me) anyway, with her saying our marriage had been a lie (it wasn’t, and it hurt to hear it), or that I had lied (I hadn’t - I had thought I was straight up to when I told her). I don’t know what your husband will be like as this sinks in, but please respond lovingly since you’ve had more time to process this than he has. I knew even as she said things that she still loved me. It still hurt. My wife now tells me she regrets what she said in those first weeks or months - it took a while for her to see me still being my same old loving self (who leaves his socks on the floor, etc.) just like always. It gets better. I hear some folks on Empty Closets had better experiences when coming out to a spouse, so YMMV.
I'm hoping it goes easier for you two, and you come to the way it needs to be between you. I'm still debating whether I should even try coming out to my husband. Good for you for being brave enough.
Well done on your progress. That’s a big and brave step. Keep communicating and you’ll both find a way to move forwards. Try not to feel guilty, which I know is easier said than done. You never intended this to happen and being honest is better for both of you in the long term.
Hey congratulations I can only imagine how hard that was but the good news is you have done it and whilst I am sure there are more conversations to come and least you have taken that first step. We are all here for you.
