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To scared to trust...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by I'mStillStanding, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. KyleD

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    Wow, 6.5 years is a long time. Were you in love with her? It's really sad when you lose someone who you have been with for so long. It's kind of like losing apart of you but on the other the hand the freedom it brings must be worth it.

    Do you work as a caregiver or are you a caregiver to a family member of yours?
     
  2. I'mStillStanding

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    I loved her, I didn’t know it wasn’t what it was suppose to be like. Our relationship was always more best friends than anything else. So, no I wasn’t in love with her. I wasn’t open to love like that. But yea losing someone you have shared everything with is hard, even in this case.

    God I wish I was getting paid for this, I’d be rolling in it. I’m taking care of family. I’ve left work to be able to do it a couple times. I don’t have bills when I’m doing it, but I also don’t have freedom so.
     
  3. KyleD

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    How were you able to be intimate with her? I used to have sexual attraction to women around age 13 but that must have been raging hormones. I could never imagine being intimate with a woman - I wouldn't be able to get it up hehe.

    Being a caregiver can impact your mental health a lot. I hope you are taking care of your mental health.
     
  4. I'mStillStanding

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    Well I was a complete virgin so having another person and physical contact worked alright in the beginning. It was not about gender just another body there. And I drank lol. But as time went on it became more and more difficult (I mean we never had a ton of sex. Probably like 3 or 4 times a month in our highest point). And the last year and half nothing at all. The two years before that twice. So really not much.

    I’m really medicated lol... I’ve struggled with aneixty and depression (being treated for it) since I was like 11. This past year was one of the worst. But finally broke down (literally) and decided to do more than just therapy and also see a psychiatrist who informed me it was just those two things but actually Bipolar type two which sucked but made since. So I’ve been doing sessions with her and therapist combined and getting a balance with medication (I’m not really that medicated haha) and I’m actually getting a handle on it :slight_smile:
     
  5. I'mStillStanding

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    So, I just watched one of her Ted talks as you suggested. I don’t know why, but since this thread prompted the suggestion I decided to do the vulnerability one. I laughed, I cried! She’s amazing! The worthy part... had to pause I needed a minute and didn’t want to miss something... and then be compassionate to ourself first because if we can’t be compassionate to ourself how can we be to others... this was hard one too. I mean my compassion for others is not in question (it’s one area I’m confident in), but I have none for myself! I’ve messaged my old therapist and my sister (who is a social worker) and asked why no one has sent me to her before! And if they have her book. Thanks for this!