To my trans friends

About 8 months before I had my “This is Me” moment, I had started doing Drag. But even before that, I would “Girl Mode” it quite often. By “Girl Moding” it, ‘Frankie’ would come to visit, or she’d go out for the night(the three Halloween’s before I came to fins myself, I went as “Frankie”). Even when I was younger, Frankie would ‘visit’ at night, in my sleep. And yeah, she’d stay until morning which would get me in trouble. But between when I started Drag and when I found myself, Frankie went out more and more, until one night when She went out for Karaoke and she (I) had my moment of “This is me”. It was a huge amount of euphoria, but there was also some panic involved. After that I let him finish out the week(I had the moment on a Tuesday, his last day in the sun was Friday. I also had some panic involved because I realised I needed to let work know, but I didn’t know how to do it, so I sent an email to schedule a meeting with my managers(I also included one of the owners in it, but he wasn’t able to make it). All it said was “I need to discuss a pretty huge life change in my life” and that it was all I felt comfortable in discussing at the moment. Of course they figured out what it was about before the meeting.

But the reason I finally realised I was Trans is that he slowly gave up control of the reins over a protracted length of time, and eventually he gave up control altogether when we realised that this path was the best.

 

I've pretty much had a normal life but here around 13 I developed a massive obsession with girls clothes ( I am born male ), specifically dresses, which over time started changing to me feeling like i was not right, so at a young age i researched and fantasised about having the funds to have my gender changed, this went away for a few years until i was about 18, at this point it started again and the more i researched it the more i wanted it, i am now 27 and i would give anything to go through the transition into becoming more like what i feel.

 

I realised that I'm trans back in May. The catalyst for me was losing my (female) partner and suddenly having lots of time on my own to think during lockdown. Over the years I'd occasionally cross dress and had had fantasies about being female. It was one evening when all these moments in my life whirled around my head and then all of a sudden the truth that I had spent decades denying and running away from stood plainly in front of me. I felt elated, but utterly terrified.

For a few weeks I let this realisation 'settle' in my own head, to check, I suppose, if this was real. Then I began to come out to friends. The first time I revealed my new name to one particular friend, she took my hands and gave me the warmest hug and I felt a rush of joy and euphoria unlike anything I've ever felt in my life. I couldn't stop smiling! That's when I truly knew that I'm a transwoman. I can't run away from this any more.

Beth

 

I am doing better right now.
I wouldn’t say everything is “Fine” but it’s definitely better. There are still aspects of my physique that I am repulsed by, but that’s not something for here.