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To get straight to the point

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. baristajedi

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    ok... I think I’m attractive, fun, friendly, I can flirt... but I’m getting nowhere with any women.

    I want...
    Casual sex
    making out in clubs
    Casual fwb situations
    Longer term but casual situations

    I am getting lots of people telling me they think I’m beautiful, but. I mean people approaching me to say I’m straight but you’re gorgeous or I’m bi, have a boyfriend, otherwise I’d be all over you, or I’m in Australia and I think you’re sexy (the last being on apps). I’m getting a LOT of these experiences... why?!

    How does a dyke like me get some action???! Help me!
     
    #1 baristajedi, Dec 6, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
  2. baristajedi

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    ps no pressure everybody but I’m gong out with a friend tonight and I will be using this as an opportunity to meet women, per usual, ha. I am actually toying with the idea of saying hey you said you’re not getting much action, maybe you and me... omg am I turning into a creeper? She’s very attractive and we’re not at best friend level.

    Anyway, ok so tonight... going out, tell me how to get a woman to at least make out with me, please!!
     
  3. Peterpangirl

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    I might be wrong but I think you like me are probably still hurting a lot and this might come across to others whether we think it does or not. I plan to go to a "singles mingle" on Sunday, but in all honesty realistically I'm just hoping to chat to some nice gay women and if I'm really lucky maybe start to make a new friend or two. Even that would be good right now.
     
    #3 Peterpangirl, Dec 6, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
  4. SevnButton

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    Well, I'm totally the wrong person to ask! :slight_smile: I don't know what it is, but somehow I have always put out an "unavailable" vibe, or maybe I'm just too oblivious to have noticed when anyone was interested in me.
     
  5. Peterpangirl

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    If it were me I'd like you to smile a lot at me and give sustained eye contact. And I know what you mean - making out with someone nice would be lush.
     
    #5 Peterpangirl, Dec 6, 2018
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  6. baristajedi

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    Thank you both! I read these when I was still not at the club, and both of your insight was helpful.

    So here’s the update:

    I kid you not, the night started off with 2 straight girls hitting on me, *again*! This time I had my friend as my witness and it was so validating that she was able to see it too. So one woman was more subtle, she kept giving me the eye and kind of motioning for me to dance with her but when I got more close with my dancing she went off. Then another woman, grabbed my hand (I was turned slightly away from her, this was all her), and she said that’s the softest hand I’ll touch tonight, I’m going to remember that. Then she pulled me in and danced really suggestively with me, told me I was beautiful. Then... she’s like I’m for the other team, I just really wanted to tell you how attractive you are. So I thought well look maybe she wants to experiment, I said have you ever kissed a woman? She was like oh yeah, of course, so then I sort of danced a little closer and she was like oh I see a hot guy, see ya. This is real. I was like um, ok.


    Anyway on to the good part. End of the night my friend and I were at another club, and we see the only other obvious lesbian from the place we’d came from, now in this bar. And it looked like she’d managed to hook up with someone... I was like how did she..? Oh well.. turns out it was just her friend and the friend, gorgeous by the way, starting dancing with me. Long story short, we made out. It was phenomenal. And I got her number.


    Finally :grin: hahaha so that was pretty awesome.
     
    #6 baristajedi, Dec 7, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2018
    looking for me and SoulSearch like this.
  7. baristajedi

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    Oh more funny stories... I didn’t even touch on the *guys* who hit on me, lol. Ok so these 3 people who had apparently come from out of country and didn’t realise they were in a gay bar, started chatting to us. My friend got stuck with the straight girl for a bit and I was talking to the 2 dudes. Who were both laying it on really thick with me. Now, I don’t want to perpetuate stereotypes, but I very much give off a clear *dyke* vibe, I mean, it’s as obvious as it can be. Anyway, one of the dudes in particular was hitting on me very heavily and then he said, this roundabout is very gay (meaning this was a very gay area of town, there’s a roundabout outside of the gay scene area). So I said, yes and *i* am very very gay. He was like, that’s cool with me, in Barcelona we are totally open. And I was like ok but my point is... uh never mind. So he, no joke, keeps hitting on me!! So I leaned in really close to make sure he heard me very clearly, I was like dude you are really cool, but I am very very very gay. And he was like oh we’re open minded in Barcelona. ...and he kept hitting on me!! Hahahaha

    Finally after I made out with this girl in the club, I bumped into him again, I said - hey I managed to get somewhere with a girl, what about you? And you know what he did... he hit on me!!! Hahaha I could not make this stuff up guys! Omg anyway, life is good and life is hilarious.
     
    #7 baristajedi, Dec 7, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2018
  8. baristajedi

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    Ok now I’m stressing over something new... I wonder if I should have asked this woman to go home last night, if that’s what she was expecting, and I missed that opportunity... I texted her today, I’m hoping she responds. :/
     
  9. Mihael

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    I think it might be because people from the South of Europe are flirty. It’s just the way they interact without meaning it to be flirting.
     
  10. baristajedi

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    Could be but it was more forward than that, or at least that’s how it came off to me.
     
  11. Mihael

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    *shrug* idk. :/

    I'm happy for you that it went okay. Dating can be quite frustrating... don't get discouraged about it. I also get plenty of superficial attention but no relationship. Something always doesn't work in the stage of getting to know each other and making commitment. But I don't see it as something unnatural. Actually, I think the chances of finding a fit are slim. But if you don't look for your other half, you won't find them.
     
  12. baristajedi

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    You know what, I’m going to sound really superficial, I’m not even looking for a relationship, I want sex and romance and intimacy. I’m sure there’s a way that people more easily get it, I'm striking out... this woman hasn’t responded yet either.. so that looks like it may go nowhere as well. And I’m really wishing I’d have at least suggested we go home together last night. Ah well. No big deal.
     
  13. Nickw

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    Baristajedi

    I feel your pain in a little bit different way. I can get all the casual sex...hookups...I could possibly want. And, I can find plenty of single gay men my age to date with the possibility of a traditional relationship. But, I'm looking for a real friend that also is into men, but not a "one and only". It's tough. I had this going with a guy about a year ago and he left to travel abroad. It took another full year to find another guy willing to try this sort of a relationship with a married guy. Just met him last night and we are a perfect fit except, once again, he is nearly thirty years younger than me. It seems guys my age either want the house with the white picket fence or they just want to get off.

    I hear from guys all the time that they really want a marriage but they sorta don't either. They want casual sex too. So there is a lot of looking around and a lot of sex and a lot of flaky behavior since the casual scene promotes that.

    That guy hitting on you is classic. I wonder if he was trying the "I'm so hot a lesbian wanted me" game. Some guys think their "parts" have magical powers.
     
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  14. baristajedi

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    Hi Nick, that does sound very difficult. I can understand all the things you’re looking for and why they’re so hard to find. I wonder if you could find what you’re looking for through apps? You could specify this kind of arrangement and the desire for long term intimacy and real friendship, and see if there are poly guys out there who might be up for the same. And also I wonder if there are any poly groups you could maybe join?

    For myself, I’m starting to realise my desperate search to get laid really is about all the pain I’m feeling from my breakup. I’m thinking I need to relax a bit more about seeking casual sex. I mean I’ll do it, definitely when the opportunities arise but I think I’m just hurting myself pursuing it so obsessively.

    This big ball of pain, I’ve got to work on healing it, and separate it from the things I’m looking for when I’m seeking out new people.

    Oh and yep, a lot of men will still go for it no matter what and think they can “turn” you, it’s pretty comical, but also really annoying!
     
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  15. looking for me

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    well, it's progress. not for mr Barcelona but hey.

    I always wonder about straight people going to gay bars and trying to get lucky. or flirting and running.
     
    #15 looking for me, Dec 10, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2018
  16. Nickw

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    I wonder if some of your need is also about validation? There is nothing more satisfying than being desired. After a breakup, especially when your sexual needs were not being satisfied, I can see this. In my case, my sexual needs are not being met in my marriage and part of what I am attracted to is being wanted and desired. Men are so easy at providing that it seems.

    I get the obsession with finding the hot encounters. It can be consuming. There are so many variables and it takes so much time and the frustration is pain. I think sometimes taking a break is a good idea. But there is a difference between giving up and cutting back. I hope you don't get too discouraged.

    As far as poly arrangements. I suppose that would be ideal for me. I have met only one guy in a poly arrangement. We weren't for each other but it was an interesting chat. I live in a sparsely populated area so there are not a lot of options. I seem to be attractive to young men and they are more willing to meet my wife and consider the non-traditional relationship. In fact, I just met a really nice guy this weekend and we had a great time in and out of the bedroom. I'm guessing we will be a regular thing for awhile. So, sometimes we find what we are looking for.