Hi everyone! I'm 17 and I've known I'm a lesbian for quite a long time, given that I'm still pretty young. Being in a closet is eating me up already. I'd like to finally get it off my chest. After hard thinking, I'm starting to believe it's a good moment to come out to someone. It's not like I've been hiding the fact that I'm gay, it's just that nobody's ever asked. The thing is, I don't want to to tell everyone just now. I'm not that close to friends from my class and I know some of them are really homophobic, so it'd be extremely hard to come up and tell them I'm gay while they don't suspect anything. I also don't want to tell my parents until I have a girlfriend. They're not homophobic; in fact, they seem rather tolerant. They appear a bit uncomfortable around the topic, but they liked the fact that I'd taken part in some pro-LGBT activities at school and I've heard them voice neutral and positive opinions on gay people. I just fear that if I told them while I still don't have a girlfriend, they'd just shrug it off and think it's a phase, wouldn't take me seriously or would even try to educate me about finding the right man someday. All in all, I'd rather wait. But there's someone I know I could tell. She's the best friend I've ever had and we've known each other for years as we live really close by, but we've grown closer just recently. She certainly doesn't hate gay people, she's wonderfully kind and open-minded. Many times she has stated that she couldn't stand it when people judged each other based on things like orientation. I like that she has her own strong opinions, different from her parents', who are really nice, but pretty traditional. She's simply perfect. And if she wasn't perfect, it'd be easier to come out to her, because ever since I realised what a great person she is, I've also started noticing how attractive she is and in no time I developed a crush on her. It's been almost a year and it wouldn't pass, I'm not even close to being over her, my feelings are so strong. I'd still tell her without hesitation if I knew for sure that she's straight, but I don't. If I knew she was straight, I'd tell her that I'm gay but she needn't worry, I'd never try anything with her because I respect her and know she'd never want it. But I can't say that, because I still hope there's a chance for me and I don't want to ruin it in any way. We're both very shy when it comes to feelings so I don't know if there's anyone she likes, but she's never had a boyfriend and she never talks about boys, just like me. So my hopes are still up. I really don't know if I should come out to her, and if I should, I have no idea how to do it. I'd really like to tell her that she can feel safe around me, that she's my friend and I don't have feelings for her, I'd like to assure her I don't want things between us to change, but that would be lies. I don't want her to freak out or feel uncomfortable around me, but at the same time I don't want to destroy any chance there is of us being together. Thank you for reading my long rambling What do you think about it? Do you have any advice? I'll appreciate any help
Firstly, I don't see any real benefit in waiting for a girlfriend to come out. If your parents are up de'nile, then they're going to be rowing regardless of your relationship status. If you come out with some self-assurance, and are definite, then it'll eventually convince them. Secondly, if you feel you can tell her, tell her. However, don't even bring up the crush. Straight people can be spooked beyond repair if they are, in fact, straight and you are, in fact, crushing on them. But that said, if she is gay, well, you coming out might be an incentive to be honest with her own feelings (should there be any of that nature). Lastly, coming out is like surgery, no matter the operation, it always carries slight risk. However, a true friendship (one of honesty) is risk free.
