My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and I'm planning to propose next July. She lives in Missouri and I live in Colorado. She goes to cosmetology school full time and has struggled finding what she wants to do in life. When we met, she was studying to be a veterinary assistant. She decided that it made her miserable and so she left that school to study culinary arts at a local community college. That didn't work out, so now she's in cosmetology school. I have always cheered her on and been supportive of whatever it is she wants to do. Now, she says that cosmetology school makes her miserable and says she doesn't want to do it anymore. She is over $20,000 in debt already and I am willing to take that on with her when we get married because I have absolutely no debt of my own... But I feel like she might just become unhappy no matter the situation and quit early. I'm afraid that she'll never finish a degree because she'll dwell on all the stuff that makes her unhappy in any tough situation. Which means that I'd end up having to support her and pay off her debts mostly by myself once we get married. If that's the case, I don't know if I want to propose at all... and I feel like that makes me a bad person, because I love her so much and I feel like I'd be letting money get between us. I tried to bring all of this up to her, but she got upset and says she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She always supports my dreams and goals and changes and such, am I being too hard on her by not supporting her in this? I don't know how to handle this situation. Any advice would be much appreciated!
In all honesty, from what you have written in your post, I would have to say that I too would have reservations on proposing as well. Your girlfriend sounds very irresponsible with no valid direction with the paths she chooses. You are also correct when you stated the fact of how the money would be getting between you two especially when there is a lot of debt that is being accumulated and it seems as if you are the sole one whom is putting forth financial resolutions which by the way is initiated by her shortcomings of not seeing anything sets forth through to the end. In my family, I have two siblings who happens to be this way and to this day, they are both in constant financial debt due to the fact of being irresponsible and not seeing anything to the end of whatever they pursue. The both of them have been single for many years as well. Although she supports your dreams and goals but the difference here is that you follow them to the end where as this is not the case with her. The unfortunate part of the whole situation is that she will continue to be this way unless she comes to terms and accept her behavioral patterns and make that decision to do better with her choices. Also, with her getting upset everytime you bring this up for discussion is a red flag to me as well and its not fair to you as a partner in a relationship that supposed to be of equal standards. With that being said...if I were in your position, I would make one more attempt to bring this topic up for discussion and if she gets upset then I will further the conversation with saying that this is a serious problem and that it is affecting my future of being with you if you can't take what is being said into serious consideration. I wish you the best because you have some serious decisions to make at the end of the day.
I agree with JonSomebody, you need to sit her down and try to get her to confront her behavior. It's not healthy for her as she'll never accomplish anything if she keeps backing out when the going gets tough. It's not healthy for your relationship as it will set up a one sided situation where you're the one supporting her financially because of her debt. I'm wondering, does she keep switching career choices because she genuinely loses interest in them, or does it happen when the courses start becoming more difficult and time consuming?
