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To be brave

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by PeonyRose, May 5, 2022.

  1. Mirko

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    I think Patrick and others made a great point about the difficulties in coming out as they relate to shame. Societies have become good at creating, moulding expectations and norms that everyone is supposed to adapt and adhere to. The moment one realises one does not fit the societal norms or expectations, pressures and the feeling of inadequacy can come up. Similarly is the feeling of not meeting expectations of others, not letting others down (whether they are family, friends).

    Shame can lead us to do things or make choices, to avoid having to look at it or working towards overcoming it. Only upon reflection and looking back at the what might or could have been do we start realising this is what it is.

    Does it mean that you have closed off possibilities to be yourself? No, it doesn't. In my time being out, I have gotten to know people who have come out after getting married and having children. Each and one of them dealt with it differently and in their own time. Some went on to maintain a very close friendship with their children and former spouse, after coming out.

    There might come a time where you feel, it is okay to tackle the shame, and to walk into the arena as it were and say to yourself: this is me, and I would like to be my true self.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I think it is easy to be self critical when you feel like you could or should have come out earlier but it is never as easy as that. The mind always looks back on things and sees the rosy side of it. As in if I had come out sooner it would all be positive and happened sooner. It is possible that that would have been true but it is also possible that it would have been a negative experience and then you might have been sat there thinking you wished you had waited. You can only do what you feel is right at the time with the information and experience you have. Sometimes it takes us longer to get to where we need to be. Try not to be hard on yourself.
     
  3. Peterpangirl

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    Yes certainly I have met others who have been true to themselves from a much earlier point. And some of our older, brave gay brothers and sisters marched against it. I salute these brave men and women now. But don't underestimate the power that the evil piece of homophobic, state sponsored legislation that was SECTION 28 exerted over people like you and me as teenagers. It was only abolished in 2003 I think and even now, I am not convinced that its long shadow has completely faded.
     
    #23 Peterpangirl, May 25, 2022
    Last edited: May 25, 2022
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  4. Ipswichfan

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    For the Americans in the audience, what’s Section 28?
     
  5. chicodeoro

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    It was a piece of legislation passed by the Thatcher government of the 80s, part of the 1988 Local Government Act, which forbade local authorities (and thus the schools systems) from "promoting" homosexuality. In a nutshell this stopped teachers and schools from mentioning the words 'gay' and 'lesbian' and even helping young LGTBQ students.

    It was a disgrace; an early example of what we would call now 'the culture war'. And the Tories (Thatcher's party) are trying to do exactly the same thirty years on by demonising us trans folk.

    I cannot wait til we are finally rid of these malevolent tossers (hopefully) in 2024.

    Beth
     
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  6. PrettyBoyBlue

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    Thank you for this. Unaware American; I read about this for the first time this past week. (Probably on here)
    I identify a lot with what you said. I think there can be a lot of roadblocks though, unrelated to homophobia. In my own case, while my parents were also liberal and non-religious, I later came to realize the home environment was very unhealthy... very toxic, and very judgmental overall, even if it wasn't directly anti-gay.

    So I always felt under threat. I never entirely felt comfortable being myself at home, at school, at work... etc. It was rather high-flying anxiety, all the time. I just wanted to do whatever it took to keep the attention off of me at all times. And it worked! But it was horrible and I've only recently started working to fix some of the damage from it.

    Please don't be hard on yourself or anything... there are so many things to be learned, it takes time.
     
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