To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure if I'm actually seeking advice. I'm pretty sure that I'm ready to accept who I am. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, and I'm not sure that these are not contradictory statements. There are few people that know about me. My best friend of 20 years, he knows. A friend at work who also happens to be bisexual, he knows. A plethora of internet friends know the truth. That's basically it. See, I feel free and open on the internet with the communities to which I belong and it's invigorating. However, it's easier for one to be themselves in front of a phone or a computer screen than it is to be oneself in front of a mirror. I watched a movie yesterday that was a coming of age/coming out story and I couldn't have identified with it any more. I'm 36 years old, but the analogy of coming to terms with who you are to a ferris wheel was pretty spot on. It hit me pretty damn hard. Extreme highs and dark lows. One minute I'm totally happy with who I am and comfortable in my own skin, then other times, Im so.... Like trying to climb out from under my skin. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I don't understand everything, that much is certain. I've been running and hiding and living with my secret for 25 years now, maybe even longer. I'm exhausted. I haven't been able to sleep in weeks and I'm no psychologist, but I do believe my internal struggle against myself is what's causing it. When I told my bisexual friend that I thought it was time to tell my family, he asked why I would do that if I've never actually been with another man. To which I replied, because I know I'm definitely sexually attracted to men. And to be 100 percent honest even with that, I'm probably more attracted sexually to men than women. I was asked by a different friend how I thought my family would react. While I do worry about it to some degree, my defenses going up made me reply with: "well if they think their son or brother being attracted to men is bad, maybe they should try living in my world for 25+ years." I don't honestly know what I'm looking for by coming here. Maybe I needed to just express myself with words.