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Tips on minimizing pronoun slip-ups

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Tardis221B, Jan 26, 2016.

  1. Tardis221B

    Regular Member

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    Slip ups with pronouns hurt - i know from personal experience - but i also know that the person who slips up does not mean harm in the same way that someone purposefully misgendering you does.

    As society has so strongly engrained the idea of the binary into my mind, I occasionally still slip up with peoples pronouns (mostly in my internal dialogue), but I'm really working to minimize these slip ups as I don't want to perpetuate those ideas, and more importantly I wouldnt want to hurt the person.

    Any tips on how to work to stop slipping up with pronouns. I have a hunch the root of it comes down to deconstructing my idea of a gender binary even more. But any other thoughts and tips would be great.

    Thanks
     
  2. GenderSciFi

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    What helps for me is thinking very consciously or talking to myself about that person, using their preferred name and pronouns as much as possible. My friend and I changed our names and pronouns around the same time, and my housemates will mostly get my pronouns right, but not hers because they see her and talk to/about her much less.

    And yeah, deconstructing the binary in your head, but how? It doesn't help if you just abstractly think: "The gender binary is evil." and read a lot of gender studies texts. For me, it really only worked to have more contact (even if it's just watching youtube videos) with and exposure to people where the self-identification and pronouns and my gendered perception of them didn't align (especially people who don't try to or can't pass). Or sitting on the bus, doing little thought experiments: "So my first thought is that this is a cis woman. But what makes me think that? What else could that person be?"

    It still bugs me too, though. I'm the only person I know IRL who uses german gender-neutral promouns (they're VERY uncommon), so I rarely ever have to practice using them myself, all the while complaining about friends misgendering me. I'm sooo scared of going to a bigger trans* event and misgendering other nb people :icon_redf
     
    #2 GenderSciFi, Jan 26, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2016
  3. DreamerBoy17

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    For they pronouns? Yeah, I have slipped up before... Mostly in my mind. But like GenderSciFi said, thinking about it a lot really helps. Just practice at home. Pretend you're saying a sentence to them. The gender binary is hammered into everyone's head from childhood, so naturally, breaking out of that can be hard. It's one of those things where practice makes perfect, you know?
     
  4. darkcomesoon

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    Out to everyone
    I just practice saying stuff about the person in my head so I get used to using their name and pronouns. I had someone come out to me recently who I'd known by a different name and pronouns for about 15 years, but I've been practicing (mostly in my head, sometimes out loud) and it's already become pretty natural. The more you use the right pronouns, the easier it becomes to do so without having to think about it.