Tips on coming out to mostly christian friends and family?

Hi, avawava!

Where are you from? I'm from a christian family as well. In my experience, it was hard to come out to them. In Spain the average level of tolerance towards gay people on christian families is higher than in other countries or cultures... but that depends on the christian community. It goes from complete tolerance to relative tolerance ("Live your life, I accept it, but don't make it public as I don't agree with it") and to total opposition. My mother is christian and I know she struggles with the idea of my homosexuality... but because she doesn't want me to suffer and, in fact, she doesn't understand it. That's the consequence of her christian education. The day after I came out to her, she asked me to go praying to the church with her. There she began crying: fear for my future, misunderstanding towards my sexuality...

It was hard. I have no tips: I don't think they exist. What I learnt is that the main point is to understand that you are first. Of course, that comes from the position when you can deal, both emotionally and in your "material" life, with the notion of losing abd winning. You will keep whoever loves you, and you will lose whoever puts conditions to their love. But your sexuality is never a condition. Come out when you are ready, when you have come to terms with both aspects in your life.

But, at the same time, keep in mind that there's no ideal moment to come out. At the end, you do it when your mind is strong enough to carry with whatever fate could put in your way. And that's the moment when you grow up to realize that you are important, you are first on your life.

 

i don have tips but thi# place is a great place to be ur self it helped me so much already i have the same problem minus th3 church stuff but someone will def help u figure stuff out

 

Welcome to EC. It's always nice to know i'm not the only Texan here lol.

From my observations, anyone who is either very religious or political has very ingrained beliefs. Which is not a bad thing. However, they usually are very narrow minded and abrasive to anything that opposes or challenges their beliefs. So if you're going to tell your extended family there is not really a chance to change their minds or persuade them to alter their perspective. They'll either accept you or they won't. That's just the risk we all take coming out.

You can't control or persuade them, but you can control yourself and the situation. Since you're 14, I would imagine if you came out most of your extended family would go straight over your head and address your immediate family with their opinoins, instead of you. Make a game plan with your family about how you will handle it together, or better yet tell them to direct all their questions and judgement to you directly. The less people involved the less drama there will be. Control the narrative and flow of information.

secondly, be prepared for many personal questions and biased opinions. Don't let them get a reaction out of you, be firm in your resolve, and know when to walk away if it's clear the conversation isn't going anywhere. Your only objective is to come out of the closet, and the rest of it is up to them to accept you or not.

Thirdly I would suggest you should wait until you're at least 18 to come out to your extended family.( but the decision is totally up to you). It will be a lot easier to fly under the radar until you can provide for yourself without them potentially giving you grief. Your immediate family already knows and accepts you, and that's what matters most. Focus on you and discovering and falling in love with yourself first before anybody else.

 

I don't think you should worry about your extended family for a while, but maybe telling your best friend is something you should think about as the next step. Age is on your side though, I think. The only thing is, you need to be sure you can trust her (I'm assuming she's also a girl) not to out you to anyone else.

 

If you are under the age of 18, I agree with others here that it is a good idea to wait until then to come out to extended family. I would go a step further and give yourself time to explore things in college, too. Since you are bi, there is a chance you may get in a relationship with the opposite sex, in which case you may not even need to deal with coming out at all.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but coming out is tough, even under the best of circumstances (i.e. without religious judgment). If you are in high school, I would focus on school, having fun with friends, joining clubs or sports or whatever extracurriculars you enjoy. There is no harm in waiting on this and seeing where life takes you. Best of luck in your journey.