Hi I'm Maisy! ✨ Well this is going to be odd for me haha , I've never spoken about my ideas and fantasies before that are tucked away in my head, in the darkest corners of my mind. Apart from to myself This is going to be weird for me, as it sounds completely alien but hopefully I can feel refreshed from this thought which has honestly been plaguing me, and move on from it. Despite me being a human in a female body , I have discovered a part me which deems to be masculine, or male? Which to me is nothing special at first, nothing irregular, just me! But as of late, I've just realised that I'm meant to think its not normal for a female. And that this is wrong for a female. This paticular 'fantasy' I often think of, is the idea of being a gentleman, to another man. Or to be referred to as a man, in a relationship with a man. Could this be a 'motherly kink' of some sort? Could this just be curiosity and me exploring different power dynamic in relationships? Why do I love to be called pretty, and 'handsome'? I've always had a strong attraction to men, females sometimes, but I would say nothing as sexual and errotic with men. My sexual fantasies with females and men, are both different in their own ways. My sexuality fluctuates, and I've accepted that , and it's a beautiful thing. I think everyone's does, honestly! When watching porn, I find it all unique and diverse, but I find myself enticed watching gay porn. Two men passionately making love. It makes want to join in with them. To feel there power dynamic. To gain their power dynamic. To embrace them. To participate in it. I often practically all the time fantasise about having relationships with gay men? What could this mean? Why do I crave this ? This is where it gets interesting, I've not had much experience with sex, relationships, love , or the outside world really expect college and back on the bus, but the people I do attract are guys, the guys who are attracted to me are 'gay ' , bisexual. And I asked them "why do you find me attractive in this way, I'm biologically not a man?" They say that I give off a mix of neutral energy, masculine but female, that is what attracted them. He said that he found out he liked men, after his experience with me. Now I dont look 'masculine' at all, I look very 'feminine ' but my energy , behaviour, mannerisms is what they were attracted too. I told my friends this, and they said " you could be like gender-fluid". I didn't understand this...so because I I am interested in the dynamics of gender, because I don't fit into the character of stereotypical female, because I don't care for gender stereotypes, - I'm automatically not female? But I have to be something else? I have to be gender-fluid. Why can't I enjoy this 'fluid' trait of mine, and be happy as a female? But still be curious about what it may feel like to be a man? Just as I am curious about what it would be like to a bird? Why does gender identidy even matter. It says nothing about who I am as a person. Why can't I be female at birth, and love everything masculine and feminine while remaining a female! A female who is fluid. That's all I want to be. Of course I know that I will never know what it's like to be a man, because I am not a man. I know that these are assumptions about what I receive from the world around me. However, because im interested to know about gender roles being reversed, I'm seen as something alienated. Which makes me feel, well alienated. I'm just being human. Truth is, I've never felt male or female but me. Just Maisy. And maybe I'm girl that doesn't fit into the human category. I'm not sure , but I only see what my eyes see, and what I feel , and im content so far with it. It's just curiosity. Humans, are curious. And thats what I will always be. Thanks for reading anyways, I'm just rambling and hoping that someone out there gets me. You all know that feeling All my love beautiful human beings Maisy x
There is no need to hurry on figuring things out, but you will figure it out eventually. Take baby steps. I came out to myself, when I became 30 years old and I'm female at birth too and have had not much experience in relationships either, but it just hit me and when doing a lot of self analyzing and I found out who I really was and it all made sense. Porn is never a good indicator to figuring yourself out. Many people watch gay porn and that don't show their sexuality. It's just porn. It's just a way to make you feel good and offers entertainment. You don't need to identify yourself with gender at all either. You can be gender neutral. There are many terms. Do research and experiment with different things, if you want to and see how it makes you feel. If you are content with yourself, then it's all good. You don't need to figure out anything else. You are already yourself.
