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Those who don't like or use labels

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BothWaysSecret, Sep 28, 2019.

  1. BothWaysSecret

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    This has something that I've always wanted to learn more about.

    For those who don't like or use labels for their sexuality/orientation, why?

    I am not at all criticizing your choice or saying you should use a label. You do you. I've just always been curious as to why some people don't like to use one.

    I use a label because it helped me figure things out and articulate my attractions to others if I decide to tell them.
     
    #1 BothWaysSecret, Sep 28, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2019
  2. blagh

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    Feelings can be difficult to categorise, and they can often be easier to access (and easier to act on) if you don’t try to analyse or categorise them, because doing so requires a certain amount of detachment from them.

    Of course, categorisation can create a lot of peace of mind and make your feelings (and by extension, actions) easier to integrate and just plain less scary - but it can also lead to analysis paralysis and overthinking, and a lot of anxiety about whether your feelings are genuine because you’re having trouble boxing them in.
     
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  3. Oliverrrrr

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    I prefer not to use labels for a number of reasons.
    For me, the catagories they describe often have different meaning for different people.
    Once you catagorise yourself it's possible to experience yourself and the world through the filter of that catagories, and thus to be controlled by the meaning you give the label, rather than allowing yourself the freedom to change and/or to experience things in other ways.

    Labels are still useful, i can tell you that I'm bisexual and you'll know that I'm attracted to both men and women but it doesnt tell you anything about how that plays out in my life. It certainly doesnt mean I'm promiscuous, and it doesnt even mean i have sex with men, even though I'm male.

    So, labels can be useful but they can be as useful as a badly designed Venn diagram.
     
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  4. imacoolkid

    imacoolkid Guest

    I refused to use labels a long time, at most I would define myself as "queer". Ultimately it was because I wasn't really sure about my sexual orientation and so I didn't want to confine to a label only to have to change it later. I also think that a part of me knew I was bisexual, it was just the way society tells you to pick sides, that you will end up with one or another, that made me think that I shouldn't use that label.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    A significant percentage of threads and messages on this forum are from people who are trying to work out who they are, or what they are; people trying to find a label that will bring clarity to their feelings. With all of that in mind, I think we need to accept that labels are important because they have an anchoring and stabilising effect for many people. On the other hand, there can be a rush to label and pigeon hole ourselves, or seek out weird and inappropriate labels that make bugger all sense to anyone other than a niche online group.

    When it comes to labels we do well to understand that we are working on the basis of predominance rather than totality. Selecting a label isn't an exact science, but we can be reasonably guided by the sexual and romantic feelings that arise most often in our own minds and fantasies. We don't need (and we shouldn't try to) pin down every minor detail and nuance of our sexuality or eliminate healthy curiosity to arrive at a good label for ourselves.
     
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  6. TrevinMichael

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    Human is my label
     
  7. Benway

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    I once told a friend (who is now an enemy of mine who seeks to hurt me) not to label me and he said "Shut up, DLM kid." I asked "What's 'DLM?'" He said "don't label me." So I got made fun of by another LGBT person for wanting to distance myself from labels. This is the same guy who told me over and over that I was gay until I believed it. So I don't know.
     
  8. Kmermaid00

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    At first I called myself bi and eventually LGBT. I didn't like to be called gay or lesbian. I finally worked through it with a counselor and we figured out that I didn't want to be called a lesbian because I was taught that's wrong and it's a bad word/thing. So I have been calling myself LGBT until I came out on national coming out day. I can finally say I am pan. I felt pressure from a few LGBT people I know to label myself. It took me about 6 years to finally come out as pansexual.
     
  9. Uncolored

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    Initially I found using a label very liberating for me. It helped me learn about myself and gave me a lot of confidence in knowing who I am.
    As time has gone on I have gradually gotten away from using a label. I think that what I found was that once I knew who I was and was comfortable being a gay woman, I decided that the label was not necessary. I prefer to just be me and that me just so happens to be someone who likes the same sex. Sometimes I forget that I technically have a label, and I usually just adjust my identification to the context of the conversation. For example, discussing what my girlfriend and I have planned for the weekend. Saying that I’m gay does not, and has never felt natural coming out of my mouth. A lesbian label feels alien to me. It always felt like an societal obligation that I had to give, when really it is no ones damn business who I go to bed with at night.
     
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