~This is me~

I just moved to a new place in August. I feel really isolated, and I isolated myself before moving to make it easier to leave. I am super glad I moved for tons of reasons, but breaking into a new place is something I'm taking slowly.

Posting here is great! It is so nice to explore and connect with LGBTQ+ folks. I'm happy to be here and grateful for the kindness so far while I run my mouth all over the boards with my pent up thoughts.

I have kids. I am divorced. It was my decision, took a long time, and resulted in a lot of guilt and anxiety for a while there. I love being Out to most people, but I am not to most of my family, including my kids. I want to be but am not sure how to do that. So I figured it couldn't hurt to spend some time on an online forum such as this to get advice and glean stories from others.

I have always been unequivocally sexually attracted to women since youth, but I identify as bisexual because I was able to repress that desire as a literal demon within. I survived a strange marriage for a reasonable chunk of my life, and have had romantic love for effeminate men, in that I see myself giving them pleasure and I love them as friends, so it made me some measure of happy to do so. At this point in life, I comfortably consider myself a lesbian, but my history confuses people. I came out officially and gradually about 3 years ago. Only one brother knows and accepts me at this point. My oldest sister put up a wall and considered it a sick and perverted identity crisis. We have not spoken since, although I have tried.

 

Thanks BB, CW and Jake! It's nice to meet you.