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This feels like a mess

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jenny81, Jun 15, 2020.

  1. Jenny81

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    Wow this forum is amazing. Thank you all for just existing and for being here.

    So here goes, I’m 39, happily married with kids and I’ve recently admitted to myself that I’m bisexual and attracted to women.

    I always have been to be honest. I told my parents when I was a teenager and they just told me I was attention seeking and not to be a drama queen.

    I’ve recently had my first sexual experience with a woman and I’ve never felt so alive in my life. Things have gotten really messy there though and she’s unintentionally hurting me because she’s going through her own (unrelated) stuff.

    I’ve told my husband I’m bisexual but I haven’t told him about her. He says he’s fine with it and we’ve tended to be a bit open to new things anyway.

    At the moment my head is all over the place. The woman I’ve been seeing is consumed with what’s going on with her so most of our relationship is me supporting her through that.

    In the meantime, I think it’s all gotten on top of me. I haven’t processed any of this, I have no one to talk to and this woman is hurting me, unintentional as it may be.

    So I’m not eating, not sleeping. I have a psychologist I see and I intend to bring this up next session but I just feel so so alone and I’m making a complete mess out of all of this.

    Thanks for reading along.
     
  2. Contented

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    Take a breath and relax. You are experiencing what many of us have as you begin to realize that you significant feelings towards the same sex. First time same sex intimacy brings with it intense feelings ,doubts and above all pleasure. It is hard afterwards to balance all those conflicting thoughts and emotions. One step at time is old but tested advice as you progress in understanding your sexuality. You are not alone I assure you. One thing to keep in mind is that once you start down this path you cannot close the barn door so to speak. You will have to deal with everything that comes with same sex attraction. I assure you it is worth working through. EC is a great source for support.
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    As @Contented said above, you’re not the first to be in this situation and it usually does feel like a mess.

    Try to calm down and think about what you really want. When you’ve worked that out, I think you need to talk to your husband. You say that you’re happily married, but you have also cheated on your husband (assuming your relationship is not open), so something needs to be addressed and discussed.

    If whatever is going on with your female friend/girlfriend is hurting you, then you might what to reconsider the relationship or have a short break to clear your head. You know the situation, so only you can judge what’s best.

    Take care.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey taking a deep breath sounds like great advice you have had and have a lot going on and to work through. Sounds like talking it through is a good plan. I am sure you will find EC very helpful.