I have only been here a few weeks. I have been surprised to find that I feel comfortable posting in the forums and starting threads. Normally I am a journal-writer (on paper) and a blogger. But it feels better here to talk to actual people. The more I do that, the more I have been thinking and feeling things that have been suppressed for a long time. Yesterday I had some bizarre moment of realization... this morning I am asking myself why I shouldn't come out, and for the first time in many years I can't come up with an answer. I don't know if I would say... I'm bisexual, or I'm gay, or I'm a man inside a woman's body... honestly I don't know right now. There is too much of "I'm a female" and "I've mostly been with men" going on in my head to be able to think clearly about it. But I feel like I want to say "I'm not straight, have never been straight, never will be straight." I don't know what others would think of that, but at least I know that much is true. If you have come out, how much did you know about yourself when you came out, and how did coming out affect your thinking about yourself after? If you haven't come out, is confusion about yourself a part of the reason?
Good morning SSG, For me my self-discovery, looking back almost 40 years was de-tuned by fear of society/family judgement. I have had glimpses into my real self throughout but have buried it all until just recently. Through the help of a wonderful therapist, I have finally been able to come out to myself and the only thing that is keeping me from broadcasting is my marriage which comes with its own baggage. So when I do come out, where do I land, definitely not straight. I have no idea where I will land and or the label if I choose to add will stick. I am not worried about that now, just working on peeling the layers added through the years of fear and denial. For now I am just working on being me, the me I have been so afraid to own. Enjoy the journey - J
Thank you... I'm starting to see that fear and shame distort my thought process. So much has changed inside me just from talking about it here for a few weeks, that I expect I will continue to have new thoughts and revelations. I'm allowing my brain to work with all the information, instead of suppressing a whole category of stuff that "isn't ok." Maybe giving myself permission to come out when I know more of who I am is a good start, and something significant by itself. I have certainly never entertained the possibility at any time in my life until now.
