Quick background, six months ago I attempted suicide through paracetamol overdose, I didn’t succeed and spent a few days in agony as my body was processing the pills and I booked an appointment to see the GP. I didn’t say what I’d done when booking the appointment so it took place 10 days or so after the attempt. During that time I often thought it would serve me right if I died, although I didn’t want to. At the appointment I declared fully what happened and that I’d been having suicidal thoughts for a while, had been experiencing low mood and feelings of anxiety, and was prescribed Sertraline 50mg. I had regular meetings with a psychiatric nurse, where based on how I was feeling etc, we eventually worked up to 200mg which I’m on still after about two months at that level. However, the feelings of tiredness, lethargy and I’ve also started having repeated flashes of violently hurting myself (images of shooting myself, stabbing myself through the head) I think are outweighing the positives of reduced anxiety and a general improvement in mood outside of the disturbing thoughts. That said, over the last week I’ve started feeling low again. I guess I’m just posting this to see if anyone has any similar experiences or just general thoughts.
Don't do it without talking to your physician and don't just stop taking the medication all of a sudden. Especially at a 200 mg dosage level, which is the maximum they can give for Sertraline, there will for sure be significant withdrawal symptoms unless you're slowly taken off of it and monitored by your physician to make sure everything is ok. Sertraline/Zoloft is just one type of anti-depressant, if it's not working you can be easily switched onto a new one to see if that one helps you more.
I’m going to see if I can get in touch with my GP tomorrow to discuss it, I know I’m not supposed to just go cold turkey. I’m training for a new job at the minute and a harsh withdrawal would probably not serve me well. Especially as I’ve been way more talkative in a group setting than I ever was before. That’s the good side of the drugs. I should point out as well that I don’t have access to guns and I don’t really envisage myself doing anything with a knife but having those mental flashes is still unsettling.
I think you are doing the right think in talking to your GP. It's possible that he/she will review your medication in light of the flashes of violence that you are experiencing and far better to look at reduction and withdrawal with medical support, than going it alone. It's also important to maintain the relationship of trust with your GP. Nothing is more infuriating for a doctor than a patient who abandons a course of treatment, only to tip up months later in an even worse condition. Maintain the trust.
Have a first appointment with psychological therapist next Tuesday and it can’t come soon enough. Not in danger of doing anything stupid again but I’m feeling the worst I have since before May. No reply from GP yet, will ring up again when I get home from training today.
