I decided to not go with the letter idea. It looks like my dad actually knows what it all means, so I just decided to be blunt and say hey guys I'm transgender, it's okay right and then answer any questions. As my sister already knows, then it's one less worry to deal with. It's just my dad I'm most worried about. My mom is usually more supportive, than dad. I've actually had a lot of opportunities to tell, but I refuse, while he is asking me, if I'm a man, just because I buy male clothing and footwear. He has old fashioned ideas what I should wear. If you didn't know, then I'm out to my close female friend, aunt and her daughters and my sister. They all are supportive of me. My dad has transphobic and homophobic tendencies.
It sounds like you're pushing at an open door, Rain, and that he has already kinda sussed it. This is good. When are you thinking of actually doing the deed? Hugs, Beth
I'm thinking before getting on the hormones, so it would be easier for me. Committee is on the year 2024. I don't have the exact date yet. They will send me an email about possible dates., so I will do it either the end of this year or begginning of 2024. This is the plan.
My dad had a health issue and was taken to the hospital today. Apperantly at first he wasn't breathing, but he came back awake and breathing and was being himself, so that's good that he is now under professionals care, but I was so worried in uni I could hardly concentrate and am thinking, what if the worst happens and I miss my chance to come out to him at all. I already feel sad that I could never tell about it to my grandma who passed away years ago.
Hey I'm sorry he had the health scare and you're stressed, but glad he's okay. You can come out whenever you decide and I'm sure it will be fine
Sorry to hear about your father! Hope he will get better soon. If he suspects it’s the case, that might lessen the possible shock, but I’d say maybe wait until he recovers somewhat. It’s good that you already have people you came out to and who support you, perhaps someone of them could also offer some support to your parents once you come out - they might need it, too.
Thank you @mnguy and @Keller I'm just very stressed and worried right now. There is a possibility for the worst happening, but I try not to think about this possibility. It goes without saying that I'm not saying nothing now or while dad is recovering, especially because all of the stress, but I mostly wanted to update about not going with the letter idea. At from the very beginning I was afraid that, if I tell then my dad might get another heart attack, what I don't want. I'd rather not say anything ever in this case to him. Even just thinking not saying and keep hiding forever in this body gives me such bad dysphoria. It feels like there is another panic attack forming from this thought, but I'm calming it down. I've learned to deal with these panic attacks.
It's important to understand that your news cannot and will not provoke another heart attack. If somebody has a heart attack it's because there is an underlying issue/weakness (the cause). You and your news is not the cause. Of course, it's not a good idea to say anything while your dad is recovering, but that's not because it will harm him. It's more to do with the perception of sharing big news with people at an inopportune time. In all honesty, it sounds like he is probably aware anyway and you will only be confirming what he already knows. A parent will not be so direct as to ask if you are a man, unless they have some cause to believe it. I actually think waiting until next year, when you have an exact date is the best time to share your news. Once the decision is made and hormone treatment begins there can be no questioning and cajoling in an attempt to influence you to change your mind. If you share the news now it's possible you could have several difficult months. Between now and 2024 your dad will hopefully make a good recovery and there will be no suggestion of you sharing your news at an inopportune moment. I hope it lessens the panic to consider all of this.
Thank you @PatrickUK I kinda feel like he is aware too. I just hate it, when he starts to comment on my fashion sense. I get worked up about it and angry at him. It has made me feel so insecure, that instead of putting on the clothes I actually wanted I settled for the feminine clothing instead and it ended up making me dysphoric. I fight about it with him all the time. I know he actually loves me and my sister very much, though he always don't know how to handle showing too much emotion. He is a hard-headed person. I'm just really stressed. There is my studies that are hard. My dad's sickness and overall worry over my family's we'll being that also causes a lot of stress. And my own health issues too. My dad is actually better now and awake. He had sepsis and has not luckily chronic, but milder kidney failure, so probably just won't be allowed to eat all the foods. Your reply did make me calm down a bit, so thank you very much. I will leave it until next year. I'm just also impatient and just want to be out already. It has been so hard being in the closet.
