I got out of a very toxic and dramatic relationship back at the end of March/beginning of April. I then decided, for myself, that I was going to avoid dating for a very long time because it's just so inconvenient to date while in the closet to everyone except the person you're dating. But... for a few months, I've been having a lot of romantic thoughts about a friend of mine in my major and have developed a, to put it bluntly, massive crush on him. There's a lot of problems, such as him not knowing that I am agender, and not knowing that I was in a long-term emotionally abusive relationship. I also think I'd like to see a therapist before I date again, because my last relationship was so emotionally damaging. I'm conflicted because I like him a lot and would like to be in a relationship with him (I can even see things going long-term because we get along so well already), but there's a lot of things in the way. Should I take the risk and go for it? Should I even try dating again? How soon is too soon to start dating after terminating a relationship? Would it be wrong of me to ask him on a date before I tell him that I'm trans, if I do go for it? Should I wait until I'm out to everyone before I date at all, even though it could be a few decades? Should I wait until I'm regularly going to a therapist, which could also be a while from now, since I can't currently afford it?
My honest opinion is that you should wait. There is so much that you need to do for yourself before you worry about another. Focus on bettering yourself and improving your mental health. Also, the pain of your past is important for him to know along with your gender identity. Is he attracted to you? Do you see it working out? A lot of this depends on you and what you think as well. I feel that if he is patient and is willing to work with you it could work but a lot of these things are things you need to discuss with him directly.
Also, you don't necessarily nee therapy in order to heal. Practice self care and CBT at home to get in touch with yourself. A therapist is a wonderful idea but until you can afford it, doing self-help things at home could benefit you and once again, communication is key. You have to sit him down and learn about him and what he is comfortable with. Does he believe in agender? Is he willing to work with you through your pain? All of those and more are questions for him.
For the time being I'm going to try to get to know him better as a friend. I didn't talk to him much, outside of school-related reasons, before my break-up because my now ex didn't want me to be friends with him. We still have four years left, and are in the same major, so at least there's time to get to know him, but I do think it could go well, and I think he could possibly like me. I was never really looking for signs of it until I was single, and what I gathered from that point on wasn't much data to go on. I do know at the very least that he cares about me as a person, and enjoys talking to me, so there's at least basis for a friendship at this current point.
