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Things went too far

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jacob D, Feb 15, 2017.

  1. Mj5963

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    I'mGay hit the nail on the head perfectly . I hope u find the courage to be who u are and let nature take you to the place in your heart who you are . Being fearless is empowering
     
  2. Jacob D

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    Thank you member Brainwashed for that link of yours. Your comparison of relating sexuality to food desire is very interesting. I like your take in regards to my experience with Brandon. It certainly is like trying a different type of food. I'll just continue to be open to new things and to new experiences. There is no shame in that.

    Thank you member I'mGay for finding my story and adventures fascinating. I personally wouldn't describe it that way but that's fine. In regards to Chip, I really do need to go back and read again what he said because you are the second member to see things his way so I need to look at his post again. You could be right about being in denial. It could be possible. As for me saying that I would be open minded and willing to try new things, I have been doing this and will continue to do so.
     
  3. Mj5963

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    Awesome t read Jacob you are being brave and open minded life will be amazing and releasing any preconceived issues will make it bette typo
     
  4. Jacob D

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    Thank you Mj for all the support and encouragement you have been giving me.
     
  5. Mj5963

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    Well it is like paynit forward as we all need support and I believe no body can be what someone else wants us to be so be your self love life and be happy
     
  6. Totesgaybrah

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    I gotta say, I saw this coming. I knew Brandon would develop feelings. I mean how could he not, You were his first ever experience and you are this hot, fit, "straight" guy. Not very often does a person get a second chance with the 1st person they had a sexual experience with, especially 10 years later.

    Jacob, Only you can really know for sure about your orientation. Just be 100% honest with yourself and I mean 100%. If you know for sure in your mind that you don't want a relationship with a man and only want one with a woman then great, move on with life and stop questioning. If however you have any doubts about this then I think you should give a relationship with Brandon a shot, you will most likely never have a better chance than this one.

    You might be having some "buyers remorse" now but like Jon said you really enjoyed it while it was happening.

    As a side note I'm super jelly and that was hot to read.
     
  7. Jacob D

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    Hi Totesgaybrah. I know I can be sometimes clueless to certain things that are obvious to others and you're right only I can really know for sure about my sexual orientation. I am being 100% honest with myself though. I'm a little curious about Brandon's offer of being in relationship with him. But I have my doubts about that. I want to be open minded enough to try something new like that but it's a little difficult because I'm still in love with Alison so it's just a big mess inside my brain. Part of me thinks I should give a relationship with Brandon a shot, to see where it might go, I'm young and now is the time to find out if I'm gay. But then part of me thinks I should wait to see if Alison comes back to me. It's a mess inside my brain.
     
  8. SemiCharmedLife

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    Do you think about guys and girls other than Brandon and Allison? Yes, we fall in love with people not necessarily genders or parts, but who do you take a look at walking down the street? Who do you dream about when you fall asleep?

    I dated a girl when I was in college and was upset when we broke up, in part because I was fighting the part of me that I knew liked guys, and I was worried that if I couldn't make it work with her then I couldn't make it work with girls in general. As it turned out, I was right (Jennifer Lawrence notwithstanding). But at that time, most of the people I noticed walking down the street were guys, most of the porn I watched and read was with guys, and most of my sexy dreams were about guys. Eventually I realized the fight was useless.

    Fall in love with who you fall in love with. Fool around with who you fool around with. But if you're going to give yourself a label, it shouldn't just be because one person of a particular gender is attractive to you.

    No idea if this was helpful or coherent. I may have had a lot of wine this evening.
     
  9. Chip

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    Jacob,

    I just want to be clear... I'm not certain of *anything* I've told you about your attractions, as it's subject to my limited interpretation (and recollection) of your posting history. So you could be entirely straight and I could be reading a bunch of stuff into it. I want to make sure you don't feel that I'm placing any particular judgment... just suggesting a possibility. I can't say it isn't influenced by the experiences of past members here, who have written very similar things to you... but each person's experience is different.
     
  10. Jacob D

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    Hi SemiCharmedLife. Thank you for the reply and for sharing your experiences. It's good to know that you were able to figure out things for yourself and it's good to see it worked out for you. Most of the questions you asked me have already been discussed and covered in this thread and in other threads so the answers are there.

    Hi Chip and thank you for your reply. I understand that you are only trying to help and I'm grateful for your help. You have no need to worry, I don't feel you have placed any particular judgment on me. I also understand that you are only suggesting possibilities that make sense and that have made me think. I agree with you that it's entirely possible that I am straight but I don't know for sure if I am and I still need to figure that out. I want you to know that you have been very helpful to me and that I appreciate your advice and feedback.
     
  11. brainwashed

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    Wow I'm learning a lot. Thanks to all for your inputs - and I'm not even the original poster.

    When I read Chips first post, I thought a little heavy on the sauce. (meaning Chip sounded like Brandon was gay and didn't know it.)

    I do agree with SemiCharmedLife, forget the label. And I do relate to SemiCharmedLife's message, "Fool around with who you fool around with." To me this is like trying different foods. Enjoy and see what happens.

    In my very novice opinion I think there are forces playing out here that no one has mentioned. Basically we humans are not programmed to be monogamous. We humans like our closest cousins the bonobos are biologically programmed to have feelings and sex with many different partners. This theory is presented in the book, Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships.

    Think about this theory. For ~198 thousand years homosapiens HAD to form bonds to survive. Life in the wilds of Africa were brutal. Theoretically one of the few ways to get joy in life back then was sex - there are no drive ins or bars.

    Only the last 2 thousand years or so has monogamy been preached - thanks desert religions. (homosapiens have been on the planet for a very short 200 thousand years)

    As I eluded to earlier I'm kind of caught in the same situation with me being the gay gay and another person being the straight guy. It's my theory what happened between us scarred the hell out of him because he likes to be open and he liked what happened yet he knows all the pit falls associated with the homophobic world we sadly live in.

    Personally I'd be up front with Jacob and tell him this may not lead to anything but hey, lets explore and discover. Bluntly tell Jacob this situation has a high risks factor of failure.

    And since this turned in to a mini dump, I have to say I am very happy for you and Jacob for you got to experiment when you were both 15. When I read that, I actually teared up, for I was repeatedly beat up and many other horrific things, for me trying to express my innate sexuality at 14. I hate to say it but I am actually a little jealous. I really do not know what drives jealously, but I have it.

    https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Str.../ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
     
  12. Jacob D

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    Hi Brainwashed. You got my name mixed up with Brandon's in your post. I know you made a mistake but I still understood your post. I think Chip was just trying to be helpful and his feedback always is helpful as it gets me to think of things. I also agree with SemiCharmedLife's message, "Fool around with who you fool around with." I relate to it and I feel that trying different and new sexual experiences is good and healthy for me.

    I respect what you're trying to say in regards to humans not being programmed to be monogamous. However I disagree with that view. I have always been a relationship type of guy and never once have I strayed or cheated on a girlfriend. When I'm in a relationship I commit myself to it with all my heart and soul and have no interest in other girls. I believe there are many others in this world who are just like me.

    In regards to your advice concerning Brandon, I have been up front with him and always will. I've told him that if we should ever end up becoming boyfriends it's possible it may not work out. But then again it's also possible it might work out. We both are aware of these possibilities and no matter what happens or whatever is decided, we have agreed that our friendship is all that matters in the end.
     
  13. JonSomebody

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    Hey Buddy....

    I just wanted to say "Hello" and to see how things are with you.:thumbsup::smilewave
     
  14. NocDusk

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    Ok, I'm sorry...but my best friend taking advantage of me when I'm in an inebriated state...that would not be ok with me, personally, and the way I read you first post, I kinda feel like that's what happend :frowning2: . I don't mean to provoke any undue feelings, but do you not feel a little troubled by that?
     
    #34 NocDusk, Feb 17, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2017
  15. Jacob D

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    Hi Jon, things are good :slight_smile:

    Hi NocDusk. No he did not take advantage of me. I'm sorry you see it that way but that's not what happened. What happened was interesting, new, enjoyable and a very good sexual experience for me.
     
  16. Patrick7269

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    Jacob,

    Thanks for sharing about these developments. I think it's interesting the way you describe what happened and how you're processing it. I basically concur with Chip that you are at a crossroads, and your honesty with yourself is needed in order to do the best thing for both of you.

    Sometimes I am confused when the life I pictured in my mind isn't what actually happens. I picture myself in a certain job, a certain city, a certain lifestyle, and a certain love life, and then what actually happens differs. I find myself discarding and devaluing my experiences because they don't fit my mental model of what "should" be.

    Regardless of what you call it, you and your friend have had an an amazing, trusting, enjoyable experience that you may not find elsewhere. Whatever you call it, I hope you can find a way to enjoy it. Sure, it doesn't fit the easy label of "straight", but why would an enjoyable life necessarily be easy? The reality is that you have a bond with this person and you're enjoying some very intimate experiences, so I hope you find a way of making that fit your expectations of life. This guy you're seeing also sounds amazing, patient, and very put together. No matter what I would value him, respect him, and as much as you can within your comfort level, reciprocate a balanced level of effort and interest.

    Hope you find find acceptance in time. In the meantime, just enjoy life for the gift that it is! Don't wish your life away just because it doesn't conform to expectations - take your life as a gift the way it is.

    Patrick
     
  17. NocDusk

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    Well, ok, as long as you were ok with it. Maybe I'm just inexperienced. But like I said, I hope I didint provoke you or anyone. :frowning2:
     
  18. Jacob D

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    Thank you Patrick7269. Brandon is amazing, patient, and very put together. He is a really great friend who I respect and trust and I'm lucky to have him in my life. Our bond is special and it might not fit the "straight" label but I no longer care. What matters is he is important to me.

    ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2017 at 02:22 PM ----------

    Hi NocDusk. Don't worry you didn't :slight_smile:
     
  19. Totesgaybrah

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    :thumbsup:
     
  20. Mj5963

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    Jacob u are ha doing this your way and remember that I can't please others look in the mirror and if u like what u see and what u r doing awesome