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The word Lesbian

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Fire Wolf, Jun 24, 2017.

  1. Fire Wolf

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    I think this is the right place to post this. Also this mentions some homophobia and I know some people are sensitive to that stuff, so just know that before reading.
    Today I want to talk about something that happened to me that deals with the word lesbian, and how it still affects me today.
    When I was in third grade I sat in the back of the bus, near the fifth graders. I don't know why my bus driver sat me there, but it was my assigned seat so I had to sit there. Anyways, one day one of the fifth graders said the word lesbian with a negotive connotation. I had never heard the word before so I asked what it means, and right away they said don't say that, it's a bad word. They didn't tell me what it meant, and I believed them because of the way it was said and these guys taught me the F word. So I never said the word again until later on. I learned what the word meant. However the damage was done, to this day even though I know lesbian isn't in any way a bad word, and that I'm a lesbian myself, I find it hard to say it. I came out to my friend as gay because that is much more comfortable to use for me. I hate that a small instance like that had such an effect on me, but I can't change it. Luckily I am slowly getting more comfortable with the term.
    Have any of you guys experienced stuff like this? Did it have a lasting effect? I would love to know, also thanks for reading this long thing
     
  2. iliketolift1

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    I used to get pushed down the stairs and shit liked that while being called a lesbian (like you I didnt know what this meant). I asked my mom and she freaked out and kinda whispered what it meant in a terrified tone of voice XD. Because of that for some time I was uncomfortable with the word and thought of it as dirty. Now, I really dont care at all (this took place a couple of years ago), Im fine with anyone calling me any thing although I still prefer gay as it just has a better ring to it XD. I think it just depends on the person. I was younger and more impressionable at the time and probably too tightly wound. Like I have mentioned in previous posts, its tiring to constantly think about it so I just dont care at all at this point.
     
  3. Foxfeather

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    Lesbian is the most beautiful word to another lesbian's ears. I know, it sounds really rough, but start with just typing it more. You start to get used to it over time. I used to cringe at dyke because I got called it by strangers (never by people I knew), but it sounds kind of hot to me now
     
  4. DirectionNorth

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    Yeah, I definitely have words that I learned in a negative light and later had to try to uncondition that. I still struggle a little bit to shake things like that off, so the best two cents I can offer is: I think it might take time. Just like any learning and conditioning, I think it takes time and has to wear off.

    There certainly could be more effective approaches to it though, thatvs just my two cents of that as of now.
     
  5. beenthrdonetht

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    I have a story on that. I saw an older guy get out of this car. He explained that he was gay, and was doing a radio interview. And the interviewer kept shying away from saying the L word. He got mad and went "You just have to say it! Lesbian! Lesbian!! Lesbian!!!" And then he got the plate.

    [​IMG]
     
  6. grass

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    I don't like it, either. I prefer to call myself gay bc when I think of lesbian I think of bitchy girls saying" OMG SHE"S A LESBIAN?!".
     
  7. grass

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    I just don't like saying it, personally. I don't like queer either.
     
  8. Creativemind

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    I was never taught it was a bad word, but I still hated it because it sounded like a porn term.

    I prefer homosexual, personally.
     
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  9. condorqueen

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    I don't use the word homosexual because I think of it as being a slur (but! to each their own! you def have the right to reclaim it) but I've always felt weird calling myself "lesbian" because it HAS struck me as being graphic/pornographic. Getting over that hangup now but I can absolutely see where you are coming from.
     
  10. DirectionNorth

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    Yeah, it took me a while to become ok saying that for some reason. I think it was because of the pornographic take on it that I would just say gay or homosexual. I think I got more comfortable saying lesbian or even baby-dyke once I heard other lesbians say it like it was normal so it didn't have so much of that taboo feel to it. Of course, I'm selective about who I use certain terms with, if ivm in a formal setting, I'll say gay, but if I'm hanging with friends, I'll say lesbian(maybe, depending on comfort level). I don't know, it just depends.
     
  11. AuroraBorealis

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    I feel like I'm the only one it doesn't really seem to bother. It doesn't really make a difference to me if I'm called gay or a lesbian. I might actually even have a slight preference for the word lesbian...I don't know :joy: I will say, I've never heard it in anymore of a negative light than I've heard "gay" So that's possibly why..
     
  12. Kira

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    It doesn't bother me personally, I just wonder why it's a separate word. Like if I'm gay, I'm gay, same thing.

    Even more odd would be the term "Sapphic" but that had kind of a nice ring to it.
    It's awfully specific, huh? English is peculiar at times.
     
  13. Secrets5

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    When I was younger [10] and thought I only liked women I hated the word "lesbian". At the time I had also heard of a lesbian-separatism movement where straight women became lesbians because they hated men. It wasn't until I was older [13] that I realized I put these two reasons together [when I was 10]- I hated the word as I thought it was about man hating. From then [13], I didn't see ''lesbian'' as something bad, because I could separate the 1960s LSM and actual lesbians. However, I still considered myself ''gay'' as I liked that it meant ''happy''. Just letting you know why some people might think this. Fifth grade is age 8/9 right? So it's close to the age I was, they'll probably grow up and realize it's not a bad word.
     
    #13 Secrets5, Jun 26, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2017
  14. Creativemind

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    Originally the word gay was actually a slur too, well after it meant happy, it was used as a term to describe mental illness and to degrade men who didn't act "normal". So despite popular belief, there is no historical difference between the words gay and homosexual. They were used in the same way, It's just that homosexual was more clinical and proper to put on clinical descriptions. The way I see it, it is not the word that is the problem, It's the fact that people hated homosexuals and would use ANY word meaning "same-sex attraction" to direct as a violent slur. Changing the word wouldn't prevent people from being violent or using a term as a slur, since they hated what something stood for.

    But the reason I prefer homosexual is that it IS clinical. It simply means "exclusively attracted to same sex". Both gay and lesbian don't fit me because it makes people think of certain actions, politics, or culture. Considering I am a "straight-acting lesbian", it can get annoying to say I'm gay and then have people assume I fit a certain cultural way of thinking. If I say I'm homosexual, I am just someone attracted to the same sex with no further assumptions.
     
  15. AlexJames

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    I don't have any negative connotations with it because i grew up isolated and oblivious as fuck. But i never did like the word itself, like somehow used in a sentence it has always came off objectifying to me. I prefer to use the word gay and honestly idk why us girls have to have our own word. I mean gender is a social construct anyways - sex isn't, gender is. So like...i just use the word gay instead, really. It comes off more natural to me. Like you would say "I'm (insert race or ethnicity here, like black, white, asian, etc)". I mean it sounds bad but that's the first example that popped up in my head. Things like "I'm a (position) on the (sport) team" or "i'm a personal trainer" are why i guess i have always felt like subconsciously, using 'lesbian' in a sentence never felt right. Like when you put "i'm a" it sounds objectifying, like a stick on that's just as temporary as whatever your current job title or sport is. That's my issue with it. Honestly i've never really explored why i don't like to use the word until now and i'm still waking up so this probably came out wrong. Probably sounds half-assed or at least came out wrong. I feel like if i were more awake i could explore why i hate the word more, but i'm not.
     
  16. swimmingfly

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    i feel that man. lesbian was always used in a bad connotation when i was younger. people called me a lesbian in 5th grade because i was into sports and a bunch of guys asked me to be their "girlfriend" or whatever because this was 5th grade and i always said no. 5 years later; i actually am a lesbian...
     
  17. beenthrdonetht

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    Part of it is the difference between using it as a noun (reductive, objectifying) as opposed to a verb (descriptive, action-based).

    Similarly some people (not us) talk about marriage like marriage IS such-and-such and can't change, just like the number 3 can't change. It's just a word.

    But I am all for reclaiming.
     
  18. Loves books

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    When I was in an all girls secondary school calling someone a lesbian was the worst insult you could give them. I also remember when I was in primary school there was a girl whose surname was Gay. She got teased a lot about it no one knew what it meant but we all knew it was bad. That's what the Catholic school system does to,you.
     
  19. Asterion

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    Such a shame that it has become associated with porn. I really like the world "lesbian" and what it connotes, the beautiful story of one of the greatest poets in antiquity and her influence over culture since her death. To quote the poem "Lesbos" by Baudelaire

    Lesbos, where courtesans feel drawn toward each other,
    Where for every sigh there is an answering sigh,
    The stars admire you as much as Paphos,
    And Venus may rightly be jealous of Sappho!
    Lesbos, where courtesans feel drawn toward each other,

    You should reclaim the term "Sapphic" and we guys will reclaim the term "Uranian"... thinking about it better for us to stick to "gay", I can imagine idiots snickering at "Uranian"... *sigh*
     
    #19 Asterion, Jun 26, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2017