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The Tyranny of Buffness

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by greatwhale, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. greatwhale

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    Greetings,

    This article addresses an important issue in the gay male community, the idea of masculine perfection and how it dominates our personal body image.

    We all have various and sometimes embarrassing imperfections, the key is to see them as part of being human, or as part of aging, which is natural and beautiful in its own way. When we try to shape our bodies to fit some image we set ourselves up for failure, or disappointment.

    The last line of the article is really on point:

     
  2. Pine

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    Yeah, that's a great article. Everyone feels insecure.
     
  3. TJ

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    Agreed. I really enjoyed reading this article. :slight_smile:
     
  4. AAASAS

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    the shitty thing about being gay is you are the same sex you are attracted to yourself. So it is a lot easier to be hard on yourself. What this article failed to mention was that. It's not the same as being heterosexual.

    Gay men generally know what makes another man attractive, and it can be really hard if they don't live up to that standard.

    When I see good looking guys; my body is totally fine I actually like it and prefer it to most other guys, I get upset, and don't even think about them sexually. I more am jealous of them, and would rather be them then bone them.

    This is a very unique thing about being gay.

    I'd say more emphasis is put on your face and how your dress then how buff your body is. Most gay guys I know don't have the nicest bodies to begin with, and I actually know a lot more straight guys with nice bodies than gay.

    But anyway, the article chaulks it up to gay culture, when it really is just human attraction. Gay men are attracted to the same sex they possess, therefore it's a lot easier to be hard on yourself because you can definitely tell if you are living up to what's attractive or not.

    A lot of straight men, AND A HELL OF A LOT MORE STRAIGHT WOMEN(in my opinion straight women all think they are way more attractive than they actually are) get to live in blissful ignorance of where they really stand.

    As a gay man, I know where I stand, and it suckssss
     
  5. Elendil

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    This is a good read and I feel that it's very true. When I was a teenager I was pretty overweight and in my senior year of high school I cut out a lot of junk food and started exercising regularly. My primary motivation was my health as I have diabetes on both sides of my family, but I also admit that there was a part of me that was very dissatisfied with how I looked in the mirror. I think that everyone, to some extent, worries about body image as we all strive to impress our peers. It's human nature at work.

    Personally I don't see anything wrong with someone trying to physically improve themselves. It does become a problem, however, when a person takes it to an extreme where they exercise so much that they hurt themselves. All because society tells us this is what we have to live up to. And the plain and simple truth is that the vast majority of men can't obtain the idealized male form. Those that can are either genetically predisposed to that body type or have enough money to alter their bodies.

    I exercise and am in much better shape than I was in high school. But I don't have a six pack, massive chest, or bulging arms. I doubt I ever will unless I spend my entire life in a gym, and that would just leave me with less time to do the things I enjoy.
     
  6. Spaceman

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    Seems to me the focus on physical attractiveness is inherent to males in general, whether gay or straight. I think women are more likely look past deficits in attractiveness if other desirable traits such as a good personality or high income are present.

    So the average-looking gay male has it tougher than his straight counterparts since his potential mates are men...who are more likely to put a premium on attractiveness than a woman would.

    I do think gay men who are willing to date men of similar attractiveness to themselves are likely to have success. If you're not an Adonis, but insist on dating one, may be time for a reality check.
     
  7. greatwhale

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    I find this an interesting insight into what may be a significant difference between hetero and homosexual relationships. It reminds me of a line I heard from a gay character (in a web series, I think, whose name escapes me at the moment) who was particularly narcissistic: "I find I am downright gorgeous...I would fuck myself if I could".

    It is indeed a weird thing to be attracted to someone whose flaws remind you of your own, so then, what to do?

    I think the question always comes down to the extent that someone else's flaws will affect the way you see them. Do these flaws blind you to the real person who inhabits that body? What is it that you may be missing if you can't get past physical imperfections?
     
  8. Tightrope

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    Wow. This is a great assessment and probably spot on. It makes for two types of insecurities: heterosexual men who then wonder if it's about their material wealth and earning power or bi/gay men who then wonder how perfect they have to be to keep someone around.

    What I was going to say before seeing the above post is that there are several poster boy types for different tastes. The sculpted and chiseled gym bunny was never overly attractive to me, even in my 20s. I liked some imperfections and some meat on the bones. I looked at guys in their 40s as easily as I looked at guys my own age. The issue in this article is definitely a problem and one that is well documented in the G/B segment of the community. However, how much people are willing to buy into it, either by trying to obtain that look or fetching that look in someone else, is highly variable.

    I will gladly admit there are aspects of my appearance I'd like to change and that this has always been the situation. So, I guess I've bought into the problem to some extent but, man, some people are slaves to it!