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The Trouble with Living in a Small Southern Town

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by afgirl, Mar 19, 2017.

  1. afgirl

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    I don't even know where to meet anyone. There is no LGBT support here. I've even checked online and that's pretty hilarious. I think the problem is when you don't have a large pool to begin with, and then there are the types. The studs and femmes and then there are the whole slew of couples looking for a woman to play with. Ugh!

    I'm feminine, but not a "femme". And I'm not looking for a stud either. I'm more attracted to a soft butch, I guess is the term. Or maybe someone similar to me who doesn't fall into either category. This is hard. I have men who are interested, but I feel like I don't even care anymore. Even though I hate labels, I'm questioning the one I've given myself. I am starting to believe I'm completely capable of a sexual relationship with a man, but emotionally I just can't connect. In trying to re-enter the dating world, I am truly not feeling that interested in men at all. But of course, that's all that I have.

    I'm sure the fact that I'm presenting as bisexual also turns some people off. I'm actually surprised that some ads specifically say that they don't want a bisexual response.
     
    #1 afgirl, Mar 19, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2017
  2. Lexington

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    The advantage of living in a small Southern town? You can move. :slight_smile:

    At the risk of sounding like a Debby Downer, get VERY used to this. There is a rather negative thought process about bisexuals amongst gays of both genders. I usually sum it up by giving all three potential outcomes of a bisexual's romantic/dating/sexual life, and the snarky response from those who hold that view.

    Bisexual settles down with the same sex?
    "It just proves you can't trust bisexuals. They're all just gay, but can't bring themselves to admit it."

    Bisexual settles down with the opposite sex?
    "It just proves you can't trust bisexuals. They'll sleep around with the same sex, but they all choose the safety and 'normalcy' of the opposite sex eventually."

    Bisexual doesn't settle down at all?
    "It just proves you can't trust bisexuals. They'll always want what they don't have, and they're incapable of settling down."

    Seriously - I've heard all three of these comments made, by the same people.

    Lex
     
  3. afgirl

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    It's crazy. I mean, there's all different types of people. Your sexuality does not determine your sexual attitude. I can be monogamous or promiscuous, no matter what. Still I know there is a stigma. Honestly, not even sure where I am right now. I don't like labels, but the fact is right now that's what I think fits. To say I'm gay or straight would be a blatant lie.

    Here's one: the poor guy I was dating before I got with my ex-girlfriend. Well, all his "friends" at work joked to him that he turned me gay. Geez....
     
  4. WMM

    WMM
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    My wife is openly bisexual. She says it is the same as saying she is promiscuous. She doesn't care at all, so it's fun to her. But the stigma that bisexuals are sluts is very real.

    In my wife's case she does look for a girlfriend every few years to begin a relationship with, so Mary is part of the problem. But at least she is always up front about it, never sneaky at all.

    She has been out for 25 years, and has thought it would be nice if people who aren't like her had a more mellow term to use. She won't give up bisexual. I suggested "practicing bisexual" to her once, and even "omnisexual", sort of like omnivorous. She likes bisexual. She started with that, and is sticking to it.

    Our experience is you should only advertise yourself as straight when seeking a man to date, and lesbian when seeking a woman to date. Never bisexual unless you are seeking to find a threesome.

    Good luck, and be well.