1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The terrible shocking feeling...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by amiready, Sep 2, 2018.

  1. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,242
    Likes Received:
    377
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm excited for you. I actively dated for about five years after coming out and to be honest... it was wonderful, and not just because it brought me to my husband. There were lots of sweet guys and kisses under the stoop. There were guys who sent flowers, guys who wrote me poetry, laying around all day reading one guy's comic book collection, the guy who sheepishly brought out the play he'd written. There were movies and dinners and dancing and ballgames, the guy who messengered me a care package when I was sick with the flu and he couldn't get out of the office and the guy who spent all day baking the saddest looking cake for my birthday. There was that delicious anticipation of whom you might meet each time you went out. Plus, who would ever play miniature golf if it wasn't for dating--and I quite enjoy miniature golf.

    I'm excited for you and wish you all the best!
     
    SevnButton likes this.
  2. amiready

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks! My heart started to race when I read your words, "husband" or just dating and kissing guys !

    I can't believe what a fool I have been for years, I couldn't get excited about dating women tried to force myself, but just the thought of this makes me so excited!
     
  3. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    291
    Likes Received:
    277
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You are indeed embarking on a marvelous journey of self discovery. I cannot begin to express the exhilaration I felt the time I was intimate with my Now BF. I finally understood what love making was as opposed to just sex. The connection literally and figuratively was unlike anything I had experienced with a woman. Frankly there was no comparison.For me heterosexual sex relations pales in comparison to homosexual. The desire for a more complete relationship with him was almost immediate. Playing for the “other team” has been the best experiences of my life. I wish you the same adventure.
     
  4. I'm gay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2016
    Messages:
    1,513
    Likes Received:
    414
    Location:
    Reno
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I called it whining because you expressly stated that you've given up on finding a real meaningful connection with someone but are still complaining about it. I also don't think that suggesting a possible influence on our thinking (IH) is "attacking" you. You are free to disagree with the opinions of anyone who posts here, but calling it an attack on you is terribly unfair. Not validating someone's opinion isn't automatically attacking them.

    If a member here posts that they feel despair and hopelessness, would you prefer my response to be "thoughts and prayers"? It's not my style, and yes, I will advise members to "get on with it... move faster (or slower as the case may be).. or even "jump out there" if that's what I believe may help that person. And sometimes I post a supportive word with no real suggestions because I don't have any for that post. I've posted it all in over 1,500 posts in the last 2 years and I don't apologize for any of it.

    r2de2baca, I would also ask you to consider this thread. Go back to the beginning of it. Read OP's first post. He's describing an amazing feeling, of the first time in his life that he's actually wanting to be gay. Emerging from everything he has repressed, and now he can actually see that there is hope for himself - wow, he might actually be able to love another man. And what was your response to him? You told him that it's practically hopeless. "a needle in a haystack," "most I can expect from any guy is just something physical." "it's just too much to ask" "I probably won't ever find/meet." "It sucks." And you called me unsupportive? So, I challenged your thinking that it's so hopeless for you and asked you to consider why you are having this experience. And your response is to say I'm attacking you.

    I've seen countless posts about the challenges of dating in the gay world, and the difficulties of finding the right person. I've experienced it myself. No matter what experiences some people are having, it's never hopeless. The problem with calling it a needle in a haystack is that it's a poor analogy. There isn't just one needle. There are countless needles. And there's no haystack. Just more needles. And there isn't only ONE needle for you, there are potentially thousands of needles that you are compatible with.

    If you allow yourself to have a jaded attitude, then you will definitely project that onto anyone you attempt to date, and sabotage the effort in doing so. And just telling you what you want to hear isn't really helping you at all, and I won't do it. If you consider this to be attacking you, then I would ask you to just move on.

    TO THE OP: I'm really glad to read of your progress through all your postings. Keep moving forward!
     
  5. r2de2baca

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    180
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    Over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No problem buddy. It is just my own experience and does not mean it will be yours. Everyone is different and everyone likes different things. Maybe what I am looking for has been harder to find. Maybe what you want and who you want it with will be easier to find. But either way you have to try and see whata out there or you will always b wondering. You will have some great experiences and some sucky ones but that should not keep you from getting put there. :slight_smile: Good luck.
     
    #25 r2de2baca, Sep 13, 2018 at 10:48 PM
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2018 at 10:51 PM
  6. r2de2baca

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    180
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    Over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
     
  7. SevnButton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    546
    Likes Received:
    258
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes! Yes! YES, beautifully said! I believe the best relationships grow from being healthy and complete, not needy. That's the irony, you're most likely to find the best relationship when you don't need it.