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The rush of self acceptance

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kwekie, Apr 20, 2020.

  1. Kwekie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm putting this in the coming out advice subforum because i lack a better option, im not sure what advice if any im looking for per se. In a lot of ways this is a victory lap post, but in other ways I suppose just because by virtue of that its also a massive change in my life, I would welcome any advice anyone has to give.

    So the long TLDR my life is: my dad was homophobic and almost certainly homosexual, certainly cross dressed. Horrible horrible man. The result of my childhood i dealt with some emotional problems, including just not leaving the closet for years. It took me a long time to even consciously accept that I had an attraction to men at all, it wasnt that long ago all things considered that I felt disgusted thinking about men, so strong was my defensive reaction.

    But years went by and disgust turned into the occasional acceptance of the occasional interest, gradually my comfort grew and my depression lessened and I accepted i was bisexual, or maybe even mostly gay. Still the road from depressed deeply closeted drinker and actual acceptance is a fairly long road that had a lot of roadblocks and temporary set backs along the way. I.e "sure i could suck a dick but i could never kiss a guy!" kind of endless clarifications about my sexuality.

    And now that ive turned a major milestone in terms of my depression, i have made a major turn in my self acceptance as well. I'm out looking for people to date or have sex with, an impossible thought for me a few years ago for a number of reasons: in fact ive been talking to a guy on the hookup ap that must not be named, for a few days now. Older, successful, looking for a more meaningful connection. We hit it off, and hes invited me to his cottage for the weekend-- for im sure plenty of rounds of sex. He knows im inexperienced as I was frank about it.

    Even a month ago i was still juggling with my sexuality and trying to create conditions for it, and now I have a guy i might spend the weekend with. What a whiplash this has been, even though in a lot of ways ive been crawling at a snails pace for years. Finally at 27 life can begin?
     
    #1 Kwekie, Apr 20, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2020
    Snowqueen likes this.
  2. Phoenix92

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congratulations on the coming to accept yourself!